Either pets go or hubby will

Dear Amy: My wife, "Anne," and I got married two years ago and moved into an apartment three months ago.

We both signed a contract not to have any pets, yet she keeps smuggling in pets behind the landlord's back. I'm worried that if we get caught, we're going to be evicted. That would be no problem for her because she could live with her father, but I would have no place to go.

I want to say to her, "Either they go or I go!"

Jerome in Jersey

Dear Jerome: Let me take you to marriage boot camp.

Your wife will never give you permission to put your foot down. Putting your foot down is something you get to do without permission. Do it.

Some people have a psychological disorder that compels them to collect or hoard animals. This is rare but potentially serious. Obviously it presents a health and safety hazard for you, your neighbors and the animals themselves. She may need psychological treatment to cope with this. Otherwise, your wife simply doesn't respect you, your neighbors or the legal contract you both signed.

This situation will never change until you take the steps necessary to change it. Even then, you may be faced with a very tough call -- to choose between staying with your wife and protecting yourself.

Dear Amy: My husband and I are expecting our second baby early this spring. We would like to send out announcements to celebrate his arrival but would prefer not to receive gifts.

We were thinking of adding a brief note saying something like, "In lieu of gifts -- please consider making a donation to a favorite charity."

My mom says that any mention of gifts is presumptuous. What do you think?

Expectant

Dear Expectant: Your mom is right. Moms always are.

However, I think that in this day and age, when people err too often on the gift-grubbing side, such a notice (on a separate card) would be welcome.

Dear Amy: You ran a letter from a college student majoring in psychology who was overwhelmed by friends constantly asking for advice.

Medical students often become frustrated by a constant barrage of medical questions from family, friends, acquaintances and even complete strangers, but one of my friends found a clever way to deflect medical questions without offending anyone.

He would always answer people's questions by saying, "Take two aspirin and call me in four years."

Jim

Dear Jim: I may adapt your excellent suggestion for my own purposes.

Thank you!

Write to Amy Dickinson at askamy@tribune.com or Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.