I want to believe, I really do.
I want, once again, to watch a Promethean performance, athletes stretching to bold and unexpected heights, and be free of the nattering voice in the back of my mind. The one that asks: "Is this exploit born of hard work and iron will? Or is something more involved -- steroids, growth hormone, Adderall, or some new serum cooked up in a chemistry lab?"
Many of you know what I mean. You have the same lament. You watched the epic final at Wimbledon, the stunning results at the Olympic trials or the Tour de France as it began over the weekend. You loved every moment of this. But part of you, even if only a small part, wished you could believe fully and unconditionally, the way you used to.
Those days are gone. Thanks to 10 years of juiced-up homers and sprinters stripped of gold, thanks to frauds like Marion Jones and Floyd Landis, thanks to so-called heroes who boldly claimed innocence before coming up dirty as the L.A. River, we are now left to wonder about every monumental match or meet or game we witness.
The past few days highlight this.
On Saturday, a 41-year-old mother qualified for Beijing by wiping up the pool deck with swimmers two decades her junior. One had to work not to notice Dara Torres' supremely muscled body. One had to work hard not to wonder.
That same day, the nation's top sprinter pulled up lame in an Olympic trials heat. It looked as if Tyson Gay's leg muscles snapped up like Levolor blinds. We well know track's recent sordid history, and about the strain drugs can put on muscles and tendons. Once again, we had to wonder, didn't we?
Then came Sunday, where at Wimbledon two great champions swung from their heels for nearly five hours, the winner, Rafael Nadal, more muscular than any tennis player we can remember and both finalists, even the loser, Roger Federer, who looked like a lightweight, filled with inexhaustible energy.
When the match was over, I spoke to my friend Tom, a tennis fanatic if ever one lived.
I wanted to talk about the pressure, the tension, the glory of one of the greatest sporting events in history.
But the first thing that came out of Tom's mouth was a mention of doping. The winner, he claimed, didn't lift that golden crown naturally.
