So big, it should be on Versus

LakersCeltics.

A series big enough to be described in one word.

For nearly three decades, the most important word in basketball.

It has been silent lately, buried since the mid-1980s underneath the far more rudimentary concepts of Badboys and MichaelsBulls and KobeShaq.

But now it is back, unearthed by trades, hauled in by superstars, dusted off by destiny, a priceless antique returned to America's showroom for a two-week run.

LakersCeltics.

Thirteen letters long, but miles deep.

When the Lakers meet the Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals for the 11th time beginning Thursday, it will not be an ending, but a continuation, another chapter in a book written with Magic and Bird, Balloons and Clotheslines, Massacres and Heat, Old Man Cigars and Baby Sky Hooks

The hair is shorter and the shorts are longer, but the story lines remain as spicy as salsa, as thick as chowder, and as enduring as the hundreds of bad regional analogies that will surely follow.

Kobe vs. Ray

Remember four years ago, after the trade of Shaquille O'Neal, when only one NBA player had the nerve to publicly rip Kobe Bryant for his alleged role in it?

That player was Ray Allen, and guess who will be guarding Bryant this week?

Said Allen in 2004: "He's going to be very selfish. And he feels like he needs to show the league and the people of this country that he is better without Shaq."

Responded Bryant: "Don't put me and him in the same sentence."

Countered the prescient Allen: "In about a year or two, he'll be calling out to Jerry Buss that, 'We need some help in here' or, 'Trade me.' "

Since then, the two reportedly have reached a truce.

Yeah.

Joker vs. joker

The Lakers have a human mascot known for his smile and his sunglasses.

The Celtics have a human mascot known for his hoodie and his half-baked excuses for spying on his enemies.

During the fourth quarter of every home game, the Laker fans will give a standing ovation to Jack Nicholson.

During games in Boston, the Celtics fans will give similar ovations to New England Patriots Coach Bill Belichick, who may or may not be talking into his shoe.

The Machine vs. the Big Ticket

No offense to black mambas, Kobe, but the Lakers' coolest nickname belongs to Sasha Vujacic.

Calling him a machine is great fun because, well, he isn't. He stops and starts and sputters and sweats. But when he somehow throws in a three-pointer, it's a blast to let out a giant sigh and shout with great irony, "the Machine!"