In the weeks since the California Supreme Court's historic ruling legalizing same-sex marriage, gay men and lesbians have hugged, kissed, popped bottles of bubbly and danced in the streets.
Some have also looked themselves in the mirror and asked: "I do?"
Beneath the widespread community euphoria at having the right to marry lies some individual ambivalence about actually doing so.
Yes, there will be a rush of weddings beginning Tuesday, the day most counties will start issuing marriage licenses (a few are to begin Monday night). But there will also be questions, though not always voiced aloud:
Is this the right person? Is this the right time? Is marriage right for me?
"Up until now, we've never had to think about those questions," said the Rev. Neil G. Thomas, senior pastor at Metropolitan Community Church Los Angeles, which was founded to minister to the gay community when many mainline churches wouldn't.
Gay couples have long held commitment ceremonies, registered as domestic partners or just grown old together in lifelong committed relationships.
But marriage?
"In a sense, it changes nothing," said Jeffrey Chernin, a family therapist who works with both gay and straight couples.
"But in another sense, it changes everything."
Some couples welcome the change. Ron Elecciri, 43, who works in television development, and his partner of 11 years, attorney Andy Birnbaum, 38, have been waiting for this ruling since the high court nullified their 2004 San Francisco marriage.
"Both Andy and I did not hesitate to say we're going to be married again," Elecciri said. "The only decision we're not together on is whether we want a big wedding reception or not."
Other couples face bigger divides. Marcy Israel, a San Luis Obispo wedding photographer, would like to marry her partner of 13 years now that she finally can. But she knows her partner is not as enthusiastic.
"We haven't had a real in-depth discussion yet, but she questions the whole idea of marriage for anyone," Israel said.
She said her partner "feels no need of outward reinforcement for what she feels." Israel, on the other hand, is "more romantic and also more political. I feel that the more gay couples in committed relationships who take this step, the harder it will be to say sorry, you hundred thousand people, but you're no longer married."
