Dear President Bush and Laura,
My husband and I have an economic disagreement that has turned personal. We think you can help us. We filed a joint tax return and are expecting a $1,200 check under your plan to jump-start the economy. Here's the problem: My husband wants to spend the money; I want to send it back.
Like you, we believe that the government should not fiddle with the economy. We know that you only yielded under pressure to this so-called stimulus. My husband says you've managed to make it the most free-market stimulus possible. Rather than make a centralized, socialistic decision to repair bridges or some such thing, you have allowed each of us to design our own individual stimulus package. My husband is for exercising the right to democratic spending that you have preserved for him by buying a wood chipper.
I would like to exercise my choice by sending the check back to the Internal Revenue Service so that it can redirect the money to someone in a much higher tax bracket. Those are the people who invest their money to create jobs for the rest of us. I wholeheartedly support your view that people with money should get more money.
We are gratified that you have been true to that philosophy throughout your administration. If the results have not produced the universal prosperity we expected, that is only because you were stopped before you could transfer all the money to the rich.
My husband says that because I believe investors grow the economy, I should put my $600 in the stock market. But what will I accomplish if I lose it all? My husband says: "Real investors win what you lose. So if the government won't transfer it to them directly, then you can give it to them by losing big." That is the most ridiculous reasoning I've ever heard. It shows that he's not taking my concerns seriously.
Therefore, I would like you, President Bush, to arrange to have our refunds sent separately and to instruct someone at the IRS to forward my half directly to an economy-building investor -- perhaps you or the vice president can suggest someone suitable from among your personal acquaintances.
Equally important, I need marital advice from Laura. How do you manage to make your wise and busy husband take your viewpoints as seriously as he obviously does?
Thank you both for your help,
Mrs. Barbara Garson