Taking Detroit for a spin

Pretty impressed, I drove a block to Star Chrysler Jeep to try out the new Town & Country minivan. This vehicle has seven seats, three televisions, a DVD player, 13 cup holders, a flashlight and a weird plastic table for picnicking. The two TVs in the back are hooked up to Sirius satellite service so kids can watch the Disney Channel, Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon. If I ever have five children I don't want to talk to who drink 2.6 beverages at a time, I will totally buy this van.

I also took out the cushy, ultra-smooth, Bentley rip-off 300C, which costs $40,000, is completely tricked out and now has a small scrape on the bottom from going over a speed bump at 30 mph. Like all the cars I tried, it had an awesome stereo, a GPS system and a 30-gigabyte hard drive with a USB port, which seemed cool until I wondered what I'd download onto my car that wouldn't cause a deadly or at least deeply embarrassing accident.

Chrysler also guarantees the lifetime of your powertrain -- which you should never call the "gear train" even if that sounds like it makes more sense. While impressive sounding, a lifetime guarantee is an easy thing to offer when you're about to go out of business. If I were President Bush, I'd be giving out lifetime guarantees on mortgages, Iraqi democracy and the furniture in the Lincoln bedroom.

But no matter how much I liked these cars, I don't think the government should use taxpayer money to give life-support to dying, poorly managed, market ignorant, technologically outdated industries other than newspapers. As sad as it would be for American icons like Chrysler to die, and for thousands of people to lose their jobs, propping up failure prevents innovation.

I do, however, hope that even if American automakers implode, we keep a few of these giant, impractical vehicles around. Because after this recession is over and our conversion to small electric cars is complete, we'll start wanting to behave like Americans again. And no other country is going to make cars with a button like the one I saw on the Town & Country that flips the rear seats around for easy tailgating comfort. As profligate as that might seem right now, it's that pursuit of inane happiness that makes us so great. We will once again be a 2.6-beverage country.

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jstein@latimescolumnists.com