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That Dude-itude

November 09, 2008|Adam Tschorn

Perhaps it's a sign of the post-post-metrosexual backlash, but book publishers seem to be busier than ever cranking out "man-uals" to help modern men talk, act and fix things the way our forefathers once did (from, say, the 1920s through 1980). We've compared a few of the more recent offerings to cross our desk.

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Brocabulary: The New Man-i-festo of Dude Talk

By Daniel Maurer (Collins Living: $14.95)

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The Retrosexual Manual: How to Be a Real Man

By Dave Besley (Prion: $24.95)

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The Man Book: Booze, Boobs, and Baseball -- a Kick-Ass Guide

By Otto DeFay (St. Martin's Griffin: $12.95)

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The Man's Manual: Poker Secrets, Beer Lore, Waitress Hypnosis and Much, Much More!

By Gregg Stebben (Skyhorse Publishing: $12.95)

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WHO'S READING

Eighth-grade boys

Beer-swilling, emasculated rugby players in the U.K.

Sports fans who consistently win bar trivia contests

Aspiring Mr. Fix-Its -- there's actually useful information in here.

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MAN-TRA

Lame puns = male bonding

The 1970s = the Golden Age of Man

Knowledge = power

Power tools = power

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MILDLY USEFUL

"Alcofall": an injury that occurs due to excessive alcohol consumption

Urinal etiquette (if only to avoid getting beaten to a pulp in the men's room by a drunken Retrosexual)

Ten things to say to ease the tension of your next prostate exam

How to clean a filthy fridge using a pickup truck and a carwash

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DON'T BOTHER

"The Disadvantages of Manties (Man Panties)"

Recipes for a Retrosexual. Sample: "Curry -- fry whatever you have and add some supermarket curry sauce."

Chapter 1: "A Thousand Names for Your Penis"

How to grow a huge, disgusting ball-shaped belly

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IDOLS

Brody Jenner, Seth (B)rogen

Steve McQueen, Michael Caine as Alfie

Chuck Yeager, Wayne Gretzky

MacGyver, Ty Pennington

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UM, REALLY?

"Fellabrate" means "to celebrate with the fellas," and "chilliards" is a game of billiards played for the purposes of "chilling with your bros."

"Foreplay -- Get her to send a text when she's ready. You'll be down at the pub."

Catwoman tops the list of "Hottest Animated Women" (beating out Jessica Rabbit -- probably just by a whisker).

Learning how to swallow a sword involves learning how to swallow something called a "guiding tube."

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OBLIGATORY BEER REFERENCE

"Brewthanasia": the killing of a beer.

"A retrosexual is permitted to drink the following beverages: beer, lager, whisky, vodka and a Bailey's if someone has left it unfinished on the bar."

Top beer-drinking countries -- the Czech Republic is No. 1.

Lite beers have fewer calories than regular beer, but they'll get you just as drunk and just as quickly.

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