"Hey, I'm not a fighter," he says. "I'm a lover."
The fracas, of course, has no impact on the game, although it will dominate media coverage. The Dodgers clobber slow-pitch softball pitcher Jamie Moyer, and reporters surround Ramirez, who has now become team spokesman.
"We're not in control of anything," he says, everyone else pumped up by the win. "They have two wins and we have one. The pressure is still on us."
But there he goes again, pulling everyone's leg, as if he ever feels pressure. "Well, no I don't," he admits, "but maybe my teammates feel it."
So as team leader, what might he do about that?
"I'm not the team leader," he says, now kidding himself as well as everyone else. "I don't have a 'C' on my jersey as captain. Maybe next year."
Who knows where he will be playing next season, but given the excitement he's brought back to Dodger Stadium, if the Dodgers don't do everything they can to bring the guy back, it'd be just despicable.
You think Tiger Woods is sitting in Dodger Stadium on Sunday night if Ramirez isn't playing? You think anyone else, including the Dodgers, is sitting in Dodger Stadium if Ramirez isn't playing?
NO TELLING how upset the folks in Angryville must have been because the e-mail stopped after the Fightin' Phils took a first-inning dive.
WHEN BOTH teams poured onto the field to discuss inside pitches thrown in this series, the Dodgers' music man played, "Why Can't We Be Friends." By War, of course.
TOM LASORDA WAS sitting in the same section with Woods, and when asked if Woods gave him any golf tips, he said, "Yeah. Don't try playing."
JUST ASKING . . . before each game the Dodgers select a youngster to tell the crowd, "It's time for Dodger baseball." Before Game 3, the public-address announcer introduced a youngster who had come "all the way from Atlanta" to make the announcement.
They've run out of kids in the greater Southern California area?
THE DODGERS brought out Steve Garvey, Davey Lopes, Bill Russell and Ron Cey to throw out the ceremonial first pitches. The quartet had been together for 8 1/2 seasons. To catch them, the Dodgers sent out the infield of Nomar Garciapara, Blake DeWitt, Rafael Furcal and Casey Blake, who have been together about five minutes.
TODAY'S LAST word comes from Louis:
"I've lived all my life in Angryville, as you are so idiotic in calling it, and let me tell you, I've been in the newspaper business for more than 30 years. I can't possibly imagine writing the junk you write."
Don't be so hard on yourself; you're probably a great paperboy.
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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.
