Colletti as baseball's top GM is no-brainer

"We just lost eight straight," Colletti said.

And the Diamondbacks, who have 14 games left against challenging opponents to the Dodgers' six, completely fell for the feint.

"Stop it," said Colletti, "it's not over."

Like an Academy Award nominee, I'm sure, he doesn't want to think about the baseball award until he actually hears his name called.

"I'm done winning awards," said Colletti, and you can just imagine how cluttered his office and home must be with all the awards won over the years.

FINALLY FIGURED out why Dodgers fans arrive late. Ever listen to the annoying pregame commercials and tedious announcements? That leads into the ceremonial first pitch, second pitch and . . .

The Dodgers honored Step Up 4 Vets' Patricia Kennedy, who raises money for soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan. They sent out a batboy to catch her ceremonial toss.

Then the Dodgers honored Geri Halliwell, better known as Ginger Spice, who has obviously done more for mankind, prompting Mark Sweeney to come out and catch her pitch.

THE PADRES are an embarrassment to professional baseball, Colletti a Hall of Famer by way of comparison to San Diego's duo of dolts, Kevin Towers and Sandy Alderson.

I told Manager Joe Torre he could name the final score against the Padres they're so bad, and Monday night he said, "6-2." The Dodgers won, 5-2.

On Tuesday he said, "8-6," then winning, 8-4. And I thought he knew his baseball.

TODAY'S LAST word comes from Sara Baron-Recalde: "I was an athlete at Berkeley playing field hockey. When I was a sophomore my coach called me to her office. She said this may sound a little weird, but you are getting a scholarship from Jeff Kent. Up until that point in time the only scholarship a field hockey player was getting was for books, but from that point on half of my tuition was paid for by Kent. He paid for others as well. I graduated and have my parents and Jeff Kent to thank for not having to repay any student loans. He gave me a break, maybe you all should give him one."

And tick off Kent -- are you crazy?

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T.J. Simers can be reached at t.j.simers@latimes.com. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.