It's a good thing college football's first Bowl Championship Series standings of the season will not be released for a few weeks. If they came out now, the ridicule would crash the hard drives.
The Times' Chris Dufresne checked in with a few of the folks who -- for want of a better word -- operate the half-dozen BCS computers, and found that one of them would have Utah and Wisconsin playing for the national title, with USC down at No. 14.
Another has USC at the top of the heap, but up against Boise State for all the marbles. The same pile of metal and flashing lights has Oklahoma ranked 32nd, Duke 39th and Florida, yes, that Florida, 40th.
Come Oct. 19, it should all be sorted out.
Greg Biffle has won consecutive NASCAR races. What was his losing streak before that?
The St. Louis Rams are 0-3, have been outscored 116-29 this season, have won only seven of their last 30 games and were torched for a touchdown by Seattle running back Julius Jones on Sunday when Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck took out a pair of defenders with a single block.
"It wasn't that big of a deal," Hasselbeck said. "It was a little bit like bowling. You get one pin and the other one goes down, and you act like you did it on purpose."
The grim fortunes of Washington's football teams have turned around, and Art Thiel of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer knows why.
"All that had to happen," Thiel wrote, "was for the University of Washington to schedule a bye; Washington State University to schedule Portland State; the Seahawks to also schedule Portland State."
Columnist Norm Chad isn't at all impressed by Lance Armstrong's planned Tour de France comeback.
Wrote Chad: "If you're out there listening, Lance, I have two words for you: We just don't care that much. (OK, that's six words.) You're riding a bike, across France, in a doped-up sport, on a network nobody's heard of. Good luck and Godspeed."
The New England Patriots were no better than the Rams on Sunday, sending the Boston Globe's Dan Shaughnessy in search of an explanation.
"Pigs can fly," he wrote. "Massachusetts might vote Republican. A sportswriter will turn down a free meal. We live in an alternative universe today. Anything is possible."
Amid all the Ryder Cup fun and games in Louisville, Ky., the ones enjoying it most were country boys "Boo" Weekley, Kenny Perry and J.B. Holmes.
"Ain't a silver spoon among 'em, except in their tackle boxes," wrote ESPN.com's Pat Forde.
The Seattle Times' Dwight Perry says that the 478-carat diamond that was unearthed in Lesotho recently is "destined for a museum or the finger of Kobe Bryant's wife, Vanessa."