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This Internet flame turns out to be a fizzle

December 08, 2009

Dear Amy: I met "Steve," a 42-year-old man, on an Internet dating site. We had sex within two weeks of meeting, something I never do.

The following week, after I came down with a terrible cold, he wanted to be intimate with me. I told him no because I didn't feel well.

He didn't call for two days. The following weekend, I was still coughing, and I said no again. He didn't call for another two days. He wants to sleep over and wants me to go away with him.

I just don't feel right about this. I barely know him.

I would like a nice boyfriend. He says he wants a girlfriend.

What should I do?

Miss Matched

Dear Miss: You want a boyfriend, but "Steve" seems to want a booty call.

It's challenging but possible to roll back a relationship after you've been intimate, but only if both parties agree they want a "do over."

You slept with Steve and regret it. That weird feeling is your gut telling you that you don't like or trust him. Don't make it worse by trying to justify intimacy by shoehorning a romantic relationship into a scenario where none exists.

::

Dear Amy: I am a 41-year-old mom. I have been a bridesmaid in many weddings, including those of all of my siblings.

Last summer, when I was a bridesmaid for my brother and his wife, I felt pretty darn old in that full-length, strapless, satin dress.

My youngest sister is 13 years younger than me. She is getting married and wants me to be a bridesmaid. I told her about feeling a little old for the job, and she said that I could wear any dress of my choosing, as long as it is the same color as the other bridesmaids'.

Now that I have done so, she has told other family members that she thinks it will look strange if I am the only one wearing a different dress.

Should I wear the halter-top, taffeta, short dress that the other women are wearing?

I don't think I look "bad" in it; it's just not appropriate for this 41-year-old.

Guilty Bridesmaid

Dear Bridesmaid: There is a special category of bridesmaid for those of us who are married, or a little long in the tooth: the matron of honor. This antiquated-sounding designation seems a better fit for a woman who is more of an antique than an ingenue.

Your sister might be open to your wearing something a little more matronly if you are given this honorific (some brides have both maids of honor and matrons of honor in their bridal party).

If you are part of the wedding party, ultimately you should wear what she wants you to wear.

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com.

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