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Time to be honest with ex-BFF about party snub

December 14, 2009

Dear Amy: I'm a 15-year-old girl.

Recently, my best friend turned 15. Her family is from Spain, so they held a quinceaƱera party for her.

I was invited to be in her "court," a very important part of the ceremony.

Just before the quinceaƱera, after we had picked out gowns together (which cost more than $200), taken dance lessons and found escorts, she told me I could no longer attend because it was just for family members.

I was upset about this, but I kept my feelings to myself. I didn't want to upset her.

Later, after the celebration, I was on a social networking site when I saw that many of our classmates had gone to the ceremony. A girl she barely knew had taken my place in the court. I am deeply hurt. I thought she was my best friend.

I don't know if I can ever forgive her for lying to me. I've lost sleep over this and my grades have slipped. I'm trying to figure out what I've done that was so rotten that she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore.

Should I confront her?

Broken Hearted

Dear Broken: You should definitely speak to your former friend about this. What she did is unkind -- and wrong.

You will feel better if you speak to her -- in person -- about how her actions affected you.

Wait for a time when you are calm (it will help to practice what you are going to say). You could start with, "Wow -- I can't believe how you treated me. It has really hurt my feelings and I think you owe me an apology."

You should prepare yourself for the probability that the girl will not apologize or do anything to make things right with you -- but you will have done the right thing by being honest. Consider her a former friend and do your best to develop new friendships with people who will treat you as you deserve to be treated.

::

Dear Amy: My family has had a rough year. It's hard to get in the holiday spirit because it doesn't seem we have all that much to celebrate. I can't figure out if we should send cards this year because there just isn't much to say.

Any suggestions?

Holiday on Ice

Dear Holiday: Fix yourself a cup of "instacomocha" (a mixture of coffee and instant cocoa), put on your favorite cheesy Christmas CD and go for it.

I bet your friends and family will be happy to read a version of "The holiday is here, there isn't much cheer, but at least we're still here!"

Send questions to Amy Dickinson by e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.

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