We know this, the White House publicity machine is not going to invite the Best in Show winner to the White House if it's one of the hideous things selected Monday night.
So that's what I'm telling the 3d, who lowers his nose only long enough to say, "You're crazy -- you have no idea what you're talking about."
But if you were watching Monday night, which means maybe you need more than a dog in your life, the first winner was a malnourished mangy mutt, also known as a Scottish deerhound, who appeared as if he'd just been pulled from a local pound.
He looked lucky not to have been put down by now.
I mention that in the media room here, and some woman jumps up and wants to know, "Are you married? See, there's a dog for everyone."
She's never even seen my wife. . . .
The ugly trend here continues, a judge going with a frou-frou standard poodle and the accompanying hideous haircut, a reminder to everyone at home this is a hobby only for the elite.
You think President Obama wants to be seen standing beside a frou-frou poodle while the unemployment rate continues to rise?
Later, another judge will settle on Manny's dreadlocks. They call it a Puli here, but take the dreadlocks off any Dodgers fan, throw them on the floor atop a rat, and you've got a Puli.
Westminster begins Tuesday's final day with an ugly problem, only three Best in Show openings available, and I'm thinking Rolex maybe saves the day.
I've taken a liking to the big brute from Murrieta, the No. 1 representative for the newest breed here, and so gentle the owner's 2-year-old daughter is leading him by the leash.
Inside the judging ring, though, the news is cruel. The husband of the judge who picked the malnourished, mangy mutt the night before is the one who will be giving Rolex and 14 other Bordeaux the once over.
More than that, this is a breed judged on the sizable head of each dog, while this judge has spent much his career breeding Afghans, who look as if their heads have been squashed in a vice.
His wife didn't know pretty the night before, and when it comes time to pick the winning Dogue de Bordeaux, he goes with someone other than Rolex.
"That dog is not pretty," says Rolex owner Chelsea Conway, and Westminster is on quite a roll.
Three dogs to go, and Westminster passes on a public-appealing golden retriever for a Sussex spaniel, a breed which, according to AKC literature, "has a somber and serious expression."
Now they're not only picking ugly dogs, but dogs that suggest they are no fun.
No kid in America is safe as the Brussels griffon, the nasty little snapper, takes the next spot. Maybe they'll take him around the country wearing a muzzle.
One more entry to go, the entire upper level in the Garden sitting unsold, and that was after getting a boost from Uno.
This would have been Rolex's moment, maybe a St. Bernard now the only one who can save this thing, until it becomes clear they've just been going through the motions, the No. 1 dog in the land all year -- Spirit, the giant schnauzer, completing the Best in Show field.
And the winner is the Sussex spaniel, the cutest one available, but no Uno, that's for sure.
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t.j.simers@latimes.com
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Video on the web
Get a glimpse inside the Westminster dog show in New York with T.J. Simers and videographer Myung J. Chun.
