Helen Fisher thinks dating should be less about romance and more about science.
"If you are describing yourself on a dating site or in the personals," she writes in "Why Him? Why Her?: Finding Real Love by Understanding Your Personality Type," "you might compose your essay thus: 'I am a ---- year-old female/male with elevated activity in the mesolimbic, dopamine system; low MAOB on my blood platelets; high circulating testosterone; low serotonin in many limbic regions; and low norepinehprine in my cerebrospinal fluid.' But to keep it simple, just say: 'I'm an Explorer.' "
Fisher, an anthropologist and evolutionary biologist, has devoted 30 years of research and five books to the study of human attraction. "Why Him? Why Her?" examines how brain chemistry determines temperament and temperament dictates whom we love.
"Temperament is different from character," Fisher explains by phone from the Midwest, where she is on a book tour. This is a key distinction in her work.
"Character stems from your experiences, the circumstances in which you were raised," she writes. "The balance of your personality is your temperament, all of the biologically based tendencies you have inherited, traits that emerge in early childhood to produce your consistent patterns of feeling, thinking and behaving. Temperament is the foundation of who you are."
In "Why Him? Why Her?", Fisher uses MRIs, twin studies and popular and molecular genetics to define four basic temperament types: Explorers, Builders, Directors and Negotiators. "[O]ur primary personality type," she writes, "steers us toward specific romantic partners. Our biological nature whispers constantly within us to influence who we love."
The book had its genesis in 2004, when Match.com, the world's biggest Internet dating site, approached Fisher with a question central to their business: "Why do you fall in love with one person rather than another?"
Fisher was stumped. Plenty of research suggests we are attracted to those from similar socioeconomic backgrounds, with equivalent intelligence and looks. Dating sites, matchmakers and well-intentioned friends have always paired people by common interest.
The issue of personality, however, has long been a wild card. "If you walk into a room full of attractive people with similar backgrounds, you don't fall in love with all of them," Fisher points out.
