One big family union
Hollywood's creative community might fare better if all its unions merged.
Idon't like unions, and yet I am a member of two. Despite the fact that 95% of my working time is spent on journalism, and 95% of my time is spent not working, the little Hollywood work I do required that I join both the Writers Guild of America and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists. For those wondering, I am a television artist. Much like Bob Ross.
I had to join the WGA and AFTRA just to write sitcoms that never get on the air, and to make catty remarks about Kim Kardashian on E! If I ever succeed in entertainment the way I dreamed of as a kid, I'll have to join even more unions: the Directors Guild, the Screen Actors Guild, the Lollipop Guild.
There are so many unions in Hollywood that even though we television artists settled our contract with networks and studios last May, the screen actors are about to vote on authorizing a strike -- despite the economic disaster that was last year's writers strike. Actors, as you can imagine, don't always follow the news.
That's why all these unions need to merge into one super-union, which I propose calling Joel Stein, though I'd also be OK with United Workers Who Bring You the Entertainment You Love, Along With the Entertainment You Don't Like, Though We'd Rather Not Focus On That. I think we all can agree that "Joel Stein" is a far better name for the new guild.
Not only would this merger mean I don't have to pay dues to two different groups, which is my true motivation, but Hollywood's workers would be far more powerful. Our enormous union would be able to cut an even better deal with health insurance companies. And we'd be much stronger when we negotiated with the Alliance of Motion Picture and Television Producers, or AMPTP, which is a similar group of merged conglomerates. Also, we would be able to save money by holding just one awards show that no one cares about.
The United Auto Workers doesn't have separate unions for machinists, welders, riveters and new car perfumers. That's why its members were able to get paid so much that the entire automotive industry collapsed. Which is always my goal as an employee. I'm doing a pretty good job in journalism already.
