Keeping the house makes for a messy divorce

That bit of advice goes against the almost universal desire to hang on to the family home, especially by the spouse who ends up with custody of the children.

"If you're still linked through the house, then you're not really divorced," says Kelly Lise Murray, a Harvard-trained lawyer and Nashville, Tenn., real estate agent.

People tend to underestimate the true cost of homeownership, drastically overstating the remaining spouse's ability to afford the place, Murray says.

Even in a friendly divorce, certain key expenses are overlooked. Lawn care, homeowners association fees, even the basic costs of maintenance are among the costs that are rarely considered, either by the courts or the splitting spouses.

And then there's the even bigger issue of hidden debt. Ideally, there will have been no secrets between the husband and wife. But money is a major cause of divorce, and in many cases, one spouse has no clue that the other has run up big bills that have become undisclosed liens against the property.

"I see it a lot," says Murray, whose goal is to reform divorce law as it pertains to real estate, one state at a time. "It's frequent. And what you don't know during your divorce can hurt you long after the marriage is over."

Fortunately, a major real estate mistake is preventable -- but only during your divorce, not afterward. So Murray recommends doing due diligence and gathering information from more financial and real estate experts early in the divorce process. That way, you can make a more informed decision about whether you really want to keep the place or not.

In most divorces, the spouses determine what the house is worth, and the one who gives up the place is usually given a credit of some sort for his or her half of the equity the couple have in the place. Typically, the parties split the equity based on an appraisal. So if an appraiser says the house is worth, say, $300,000 and they owe $200,000, the "out spouse" gives up his or her claim to a $50,000 equity stake for, perhaps, $50,000 in stocks and bonds.

But along with that appraisal, Murray says, the "house spouse" should obtain an independent, third-party inspection of the property to determine whether there are any latent defects that could change its value.