To help the nonobsessives, here's a cheat sheet that catches up on some shows that have been away for a while.
Jack, there is no way we will let them convict you. You didn't mean to spend six days of your life killing people, usurping authority and whispering your way out of explosions and mayhem. You were just doing what you thought was right and you never even asked to go to the bathroom. Then you saved the African children to boot! You are our hero. XOXO. (Fox, 8 to 10 tonight and Monday)
Once upon a time there was a Mormon named Bill. He had three wives, three houses, eight children and a family home-improvement business. This, apparently, didn't keep him busy enough. So he stole a gaming business from a bunch of scary-looking people and then got into a big tiff with his compound-running father-in-law. Still looking for more entertainment, Bill decided it was time to take another wife. (HBO, 9 p.m. next Sunday)
Flight of the Conchords
Murray sprung a new band member, Todd, on Bret and Jemaine. As if it wasn't bad enough that the guy plays the bongos, he managed to have a No. 1 hit when he broke off from the guys with Demetri to create a new band, Crazy Dogggz. Now, Mel's arf-arfing for her new fave band, Murray's driving a convertible, and Bret and Jemaine are playing Bingo Night at the library. (HBO, 10 p.m. next Sunday)
Galactica and the humans they've protected have found Earth. Yay? Four of the final five Cylons were revealed. Yay? The paradise that was Earth looks to be a pile of twisted metal structures and desolation. The final Cylon is out there, and the truce with the Cylons is uneasy at best. What fans thought was an ending is only the beginning of the final chapter. (Sci Fi, 10 p.m. Friday)
The L Word
Bette and Tina were 2gether 4ever (again). Helena came back because her mother was dying -- but didn't die -- of a jellyfish sting. The movie "Lez Girls" was de-lezzed. Jenny, after catching Shane and Niki doing it at Yamashiro, said, "You've broken my heart." To Niki? To Shane? Oh, Jenny. It's gonna get worse. (Showtime, 9 p.m. next Sunday)
After an unflattering article by a clueless and arrogant L.A. Times reporter -- hey, wait a minute! -- Brenda's Priority Homicide division is shut down. Now called Major Crimes, the team is trying to rebound. But Det. Sanchez has been shot. Is he dead? So soon after seeing Lt. Provenza run for the first time? (TNT, 9 p.m. Jan. 26)
What do you mean you're lost? Time jumped three years into the future, then back again, then a little closer to the future, but not so much, then back again. Some people left the island. Some people died. Others might have died. Ghosts returned. The island moved. No, really dude. (ABC, 8-11 p.m. Jan. 21)
We were scared. It seemed like Joe was going to cheat on Allison, which would have been the dumbest thing in the history of the world, since Allison's dreams serve as her inner private detective. But alas, not only did Joe reject the rich lady's advances, but he also managed to squeeze a sizable sum from her, which is really good, because apparently we're in a recession. (NBC, 10 p.m. Feb. 2)
Sam was not able to capture a soul, which is not a good thing when the Devil is on your back making you snag those suckers. Not only is this soul elusive, he has a secret. Don't you hate it when that happens? (CW, 9 p.m. March 17)
Walter White is in over his bald head. He's been lying to a wife who's pregnant and a brother-in-law who happens to be a DEA agent, and he just entered into a business pact with a violent maniac named Tuco, agreeing to provide him large amounts of crystal meth. And he's got terminal cancer. So, good times. (AMC, March, date TBA)
When it comes to women, Tommy just can't get it right. Sheila is mad at him for not telling her that there have been sightings of her dead husband. His daughter is mad at him for breaking up her relationship, and his ex-wife finally has moved on. Come to think of it, one man is mad at him too: the fire chief who is trying to get him kicked out of the department for being too much of a risk-taking hothead. The only one at peace with Tommy is his father, who died during some father-son bonding time at a baseball game. (FX, April, date TBA)
This is the story of the shrinking shrink. Paul is always there to help Laura, Alex, Sophie, and Jake and Amy, but no one needs more help than Paul. Paul's wife is having an affair. Paul's daughter is a teenager. Paul is in love with his patient Laura. Paul is one hot mess, as evidenced by his own therapy sessions with Gina. We will never see Laura, Alex, Sophie, and Jake and Amy again, but Paul? Well, he left his wife for Laura, which didn't work out so well for him, and he made Gina really mad. Uh-oh. (HBO, April, date TBA)
Times staff writers Jevon Phillips and Kate Aurthur, along with freelance writer Josh Gajewski, contributed to this report.
Go online to see photos from the many returning shows.