In this spirited debate, He wins

I certainly appreciate the flood of sports-related prayers sent My way during the last several weeks of college bowl and NFL playoff games. I am flattered that so many of you would take time away from worrying about home loans or frothing over the latest cover of Maxim to remember Me, a.k.a. God.

But listen, right now I'm up to My ears dealing with some pretty big issues -- war, famine and pestilence, for three -- and I simply don't need any more distractions. This being the case, I have two requests:

First, please stop bombarding Me with prayers about the big game, your favorite team, LaDainian Tomlinson's bum groin, or Tim Tebow.

Second, if you are an athlete who thinks of yourself as a follower of My words and advice, stop showily pointing to the heavens after every winning basket, home run or touchdown; and please put an end to taking the field with John 3:16 scrawled under the eyes for all to see. Enough! Give it a rest already.

Surely you have heard of rendering unto Caesar what is Caesar's. The World Series? The BCS championship game? These are the things of the world, of fame, money and power. Caesar's turf, not Mine. Let's keep it that way.

Certainly you have read about shutting the door, praying privately and humbly treading the Earth. All this shoving your version of Me down the throats of the unsuspecting? We've almost always got a few wars going because of this. So during our games, how about we take a little hiatus?

I'm not suggesting you shouldn't have strong feelings for Me. I'm not saying don't believe. I'm pleased by the earnest good works I see from multitudes of fans and many players. But what I am saying is there is a time and a place for everything. Save your spiritual energy for more important things. Let games be games. Leave Me out of the arena.

And you think you're swamped? Please consider what I have to deal with. Not one moment passes -- never more than when an SEC football team is playing, or during soccer's World Cup -- without My inbox getting jammed with requests from the sporting faithful.

Sometimes the prayers go like this: "God, let me make this kick and send us home with a victory." On My end, this kind of request is extremely time-consuming, as it is almost always followed by a message from the opposing team: "God, I know You've had a hand in our entire season, just as I know You know the other team is a bunch of wild-eyed heathens. To prove our goodness, please make this kick sail wide right."