Inaugural balls not necessarily a blast

Just the phrase "inaugural ball" conjures up images of a sea of tuxedoed men and chiffon-swathed women dancing under buttery light, elbows away from the newly sworn-in president of the United States and the first lady. Over the years, the styles have changed -- John F. Kennedy in white tie and tails, or Bill Clinton playing the saxophone -- but the common denominator was immutable: the promise of a ballroom filled with elegance, history, power.

Actually, it's a bunch of tired people looking for the cash bar or waiting in line at the coat check room. In the last few decades, a ticket to an inaugural ball, which could cost you anywhere from nothing to thousands, meant entrance to a cavernous hall or hotel ballroom with, more than likely, no place to sit and no food to eat and plenty of human gridlock. And that's if you got there before a fire marshal declared the place dangerously overcrowded. (It has happened.)

And let's dispense with the grand notion of the inaugural ball. This year, there are 10 official balls, and more than half are being held in the Washington Convention Center.

That doesn't include the passel of unofficial balls -- some held that same night, some the previous evenings, none bearing the imprimatur of the Presidential Inaugural Committee. If anything, they sound more fun -- the Hip Hop Inaugural Ball -- and quirkier. (The Lincoln 2.0 Ball being held at the Smithsonian American Art Museum on Sunday aims to channel the "Victorian essence of Lincoln's second inaugural ball," which took place in the same building.)

Most of the official balls are based on regions -- Californians gravitate to the Western Inaugural Ball, whereas the Obama Home States Inaugural Ball is for Illinois and Hawaii guests. The real draw of the official balls is that the first couple are obligated to appear. Season after season, whether there are five (Kennedy's) or 14 (Clinton's second inaugural), they show up. But do the math: Their stay at each ball is, by necessity, fleeting -- a matter of minutes. They walk onstage, they wave hello, the president says something moderately funny, maybe they dance briefly, then they wave goodbye.

Even if Barack and Michelle Obama wanted to, they couldn't stay an hour at each ball, unless they started right after the inaugural luncheon.