Me, I never know what to wear to a game. Do I go with the latex or a thicker, more creamy oil base?
What about a fright wig? Is that overkill? A cape seems almost mandatory for evening games and some sort of helmet that funnels beer. How about tights? Is it too cold for tights?
Honestly, I've never done the face-paint thing, but I have to admire the ersatz superheroes who do. There is so little celebration in life anymore. Sure, on Thursdays, Jane brings bagels into the office. And if someone has a birthday, there's bound to be a nice cake.
But, celebrations on a national level are too few, and we should honor those who mark the moment by smearing themselves blue or green or Steelers gold. Sports' rainbow coalition.
Take my nephew, please. That's him in the photo on Page 8, proudly wearing the face paint of his beloved Florida Gators. When this photo started making the rounds his sophomore year, many members of the family experienced a mild embarrassment. Billy's a face painter? Why on earth?
Admittedly, our family has always had a thing for devotion. We hold onto our cars far too long. And we never get divorced, ever. You can crack a vase over our skulls and that only makes us love you more. Crazy Catholics.
But young Billy was taking devotion to a whole new level. By gawd, Billy the math whiz was turning into Puddy, the "Seinfeld" character who stunned Elaine by dressing for a date to a New Jersey Devils game with his face painted.
Truth is, sports devotion is a noble quality, something that should be nurtured in young men. For example, I once went on a hunger strike till the Chicago Bears traded for a quality quarterback. Twelve years passed, nothing. Then along came Rex Grossman. Burp.
In a similar vein, I have this friend, Steve, who tried to break up with his favorite team, the Cincinnati Bengals, earlier this year. He penned the traditional "Dear Bengals" note but then didn't have the heart to send it. They had been together too long.
Guys, huh? We'll go through three marriages and 17 jobs but stay with the same sad-sack sports team for life, no matter what.
Point is, in today's sporting world, the fans show far more loyalty to their teams than the players do. You think Kurt Warner would ever show up to a game dressed like King Tut?
