Reporting from Tampa, Fla. — There's a catastrophe waiting to happen Sunday, and it's as obvious as the nose on Larry Fitzgerald's face.
Actually, it surrounds Fitzgerald's face like a lovely bouquet. He stuffs it under his helmet for work, but the danger still hangs out.
Ladies and gentlemen, the Super Bowl could be hanging by a dread.
This is the hairiest championship game on record. So many players have dreadlocks, the worldwide audience may think it tuned in to a Rastafarian convention.
From a fashion and freedom standpoint, there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sure Bob Marley would be thrilled. Unless he bet on Arizona and Fitzgerald is running for the winning touchdown on the game's final play.
Out of nowhere, a wild man appears. It's Troy Polamalu. He makes a desperation dive. He gets a handful of hair.
Down goes Fitz.
Up goes the furor.
Arizona fans would look for the nearest tall building to jump off. There would be rioting at Las Vegas sports books. Fitzgerald would immediately join Bill Buckner in the VIP wing of the Goat Hall of Fame.
The Super Bowl has produced it share of inductees. But Scott Norwood didn't miss that kick because his hair got in his eyes.
Our Doomsday Scenario could easily be avoided, but players must first face the question: What's more important, making a fashion statement or winning a championship?
"That's probably the least of my worries," Arizona running back Tim Hightower said.
Granted, he's as likely to get tackled by his hair as Montel Williams. But such a thing is not unheard of.
Polamalu was yanked down from behind two years ago after intercepting a pass. The Steelers won 45-7, so the touchdown he didn't score wasn't a big deal. Except on YouTube, where it's had almost 620,000 views.
The play prompted the NFL to consider requiring players to stuff all their hair under their helmets. The move was shelved, but it reignited a debate that's been around since Delilah tackled Samson.
Long hair: a right or a privilege?
It's unquestionably a right, unless it interferes with your work. That's why millions of people wear hairnets. And all they're doing is protecting you from finding a hair in your Big Mac.
Imagine finding a hair in your Super Bowl.
Is it worth the risk to America's mental health?
