When my son's preschool teachers recommended that we send him to speech therapy, I can't say that my husband and I were completely surprised. Clay wasn't entirely easy to understand; his "r" sounded like a "w," his "th" was indistinguishable from an "s," and his "l" was essentially nonexistent. But he was only 3 years old.
We believed his speech would clear up on its own with time, but agreed to have Clay tested for a speech disorder. We did it in part to eliminate nagging doubts of our own that he had a problem, in part to appease the people expressing concern. Several hundred dollars later, we had our answer: Clay's speech was perfectly normal.
The tests that were administered placed him in the 50th percentile for boys his age -- right in the middle of the pack. When it came to speech and language, Clay was perfectly average.
As doctors, my husband and I knew what that meant -- Clay was healthy and on track, and that was good enough for us.
These days, however, average doesn't sit well with many parents. "There's been a narrowing of what's considered normal," says Dr. David Elkind, professor emeritus of child development at Tufts University and author of "The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon." Whether considering academic achievement or athletic prowess, some parents have come to believe that the only "normal" kids are those who excel. Unfortunately, meeting these high expectations is impossible for many children, and trying to do so can be discouraging and potentially damaging.
Statistically speaking, the term "normal" is intended to encompass a range of children of varying abilities. What's normal centers around the average child; only children who fall way above or below average -- roughly the top and bottom 5% to 10% -- don't qualify.
About 80% of 13-year-old boys, for instance, are 4-feet-9 to 5-feet-5 in height. Boys at the lower end of this range may be considered short, but they're still normal.
With some characteristics, normal isn't as easily defined. Behavior is more difficult to measure precisely, so identifying the upper and lower limits of normal can be challenging. Still, the principles are the same. The perfectly behaved child shouldn't dictate what's normal; rather, it should be the kid who truly is: one who occasionally breaks the rules, gets into fights with friends or has an emotional outburst.
Most don't excel
