When high-achieving or exceptional children are held up as the benchmark of normal, most kids are going to fall short. Unfortunately, rather than examining what's wrong with their expectations, many parents -- often, along with their children's teachers, coaches and healthcare providers -- conclude that something is wrong and jump in to try to remedy the situation.
Six-year-olds with messy printing are sent for occupational therapy to improve their handwriting; clumsy 7-year-olds are made to undergo sensory integration therapy for better balance and coordination; 8-year-olds who have trouble sitting at their desk all day or keeping their hands to themselves are shipped off to psychiatrists to work on impulse control, and educational therapists are hired to help 10-year-olds bring up their grade point average.
These services can be helpful. A child who receives this kind of support may gain a bit of ground on some of their peers. But the benefits aren't always clear-cut or dramatic, and the risks that these types of interventions impose are often overlooked.
Although it's hard to imagine how a bit of extra support could be detrimental, some experts in child development speculate that there may be unforeseen costs. Too much help may interfere with children's sense of autonomy, for one thing. "It makes them think that they can't do things on their own," Elkind says.
Also, children who are constantly being told that they need help may begin to believe it. "They start to think that something is really wrong with them."
There are more tangible costs as well. Many children resist the help their parents provide: What child wants to spend free time with a therapist or tutor? So interventions can wind up undermining the parent-child relationship.
They can also strain families financially. Therapists and tutors don't come cheap -- 45 minutes of speech therapy can run upward of $100, and an hour with a math tutor can cost well over $60.
Also, the benefits of intervening are limited by the natural aptitude of a child. All the tutoring in the world isn't going to turn a bad math student into a brilliant mathematician; all the coaching in the world won't turn an uncoordinated child into an elite athlete. "You simply can't teach talent," Elkind says.
