One serves up the glorious Krabby Patty; the other metes out pitiless death. You might think that a gregarious sponge who is fond of red ties and speaks crystal clear English underwater has little in common with a time-traveling, red-eyed killing machine whose default language setting comes with a heavy Germanic accent.
And that's where you would be wrong. Spongy, dead wrong.
Despite their obvious differences, like for instance, a backbone and a penchant for murder, SpongeBob Squarepants and the Terminator are actually brothers from different mothers, as the kids might say. The two are alike in surprising ways that has everything to do with why there are SpongeBob ceiling fans at Target and a newly opened roller coaster called Terminator Salvation: The Ride at Six Flags Magic Mountain.
Although the two-dimensional characters share a host of traits -- ferocious dedication to work, extreme mood swings, a distinct fashion style and an ambiguous sexuality -- it is their mutual ability to emerge unbreakable from nearly all circumstances that helps explain their colossal worldwide appeal to three-dimensional humans. What mortal among us, subject to the blings and arrows of our consumerist, post-9/11 world, wouldn't like to plow through the day with the relative ease of either of these two fine fellows?
SpongeBob, who heartily soaks up the juice of life, feels everything. The Terminator (I'm talking strictly about the 800 Series, Model 101 here; subsequent portrayals in sequels are all mere commentary on the 1984 original) feels nothing. But whether it's a spotlight moment of acute social shame or a torrent of shotgun blasts, you can't bring this pair down, at least not for long.
Both mega-merchandised figures are marking notable cultural milestones this summer on television and at the movies. SpongeBob is a still vibrant 10 years old, a birthday Nickelodeon is celebrating with a weekend long marathon that begins on Friday and culminates on Sunday, the actual anniversary of the pilot episode's first airing.
Meanwhile, the Terminator franchise chalked up its fourth major motion picture in May, a few months before its official 25th anniversary in October. The film has performed well internationally but only lukewarm domestically, foreshadowing perhaps that the unit may be nearing the end of its life span. Still, no matter how the future may look for either one, they haven't done too badly for an invertebrate with a name tag and a cyborg that looks a lot like California's governor.
