I gave it a chance and here's what I now think about Ultimate Bore & Gore.
It's the 7-Eleven's Kid's birthday, back home there are reports Sam the puppy has lost his baby teeth, and I'm here. Amazingly, it's the guy in the octagon who has the hole in his head.
The blood is gushing out, Mac Danzig painted red, just a beautiful sight for the UFC 100 crowd, the folks here in Mandalay Bay screaming with hunger for even more.
A NBA player gets a dab of blood on his uniform and they stop the game, a guy with white surgical gloves looking him over while officials make him change jerseys.
They wring the mat out here with all the blood spilled at the end of the night, and the blood banks in Las Vegas will be restocked.
The night has just started and two fighters have already been left unconscious, guillotine choke moves they tell me, both heads though remaining attached to lifeless bodies.
Jon Jones' opponent taps out, and a TV reporter says, "Jones is an animal," visiting hours at the zoo just beginning.
Tom Lawler, the same guy who appeared at the weigh-in a day earlier with "just bleed" painted across his chest, enters the arena with dog leash in hand, pulling some guy with red hair on all fours and a bone in his mouth.
Keep in mind this is a "sport," as UFC President Dana White contends, the resemblance to pro wrestling just a hint of what is to come in the finale.
A few minutes later Mark Coleman is taking his own bloodbath, an expert they say at "ground and pound," one forearm or elbow after another to a fallen victim, and is this entertainment?
Kicks to the head are also very popular with the fans. And if they really want to make everyone happy, bring all the fighters into the ring and have them just pummel announcer Bruce Buffer until he shuts up.
As for Coleman and his rearranged face, the pay-per-view announcer is telling the folks at home he has stayed away from his daughters the last 70 days to train for this.
"Daddy's coming home," Coleman screams into the camera when the fight's over. "You're my life, baby."
Great, that now leaves the two daughters at home to duke it out in an effort to determine who Daddy was talking about. Maybe UFC 101?
