If a 6-year-old ruled the sports world . . .

If 6-year-olds ran Sports Illustrated . . .

Shrek would be "Athlete of the Year."

Peter King would do articles titled: "Which would win in a fight, a tiger or a grizzly bear?"

Rick Reilly would return, to the back page where he belongs.

The magazine's font would be Froot Loop.

If 6-year-olds ran All-Star games . . .

Games could never end in ties.

There'd be fireworks after every pitch, ice cream after every inning.

If you won the home run derby, they'd give you a skateboard and a St. Bernard puppy.

If 6-year-olds ran the Winter Olympics . . .

They'd always be at the North Pole.

You could throw snowballs at figure skaters.

After an event, Mrs. Claus would make everyone hot chocolate.

No one could make you wear mittens or a hat.

If 6-year-olds ran the X-Games . . .

"Big Wheels" would be an event, as would "jumping off stuff" and "fencing with broken broomsticks."

Moms could not attend, but little sisters and brothers could. You could chase them on dirt bikes.

If 6-year-olds ran the Tour de France . . .

Dads could push you up the Pyrenees. If they chose, riders could use training wheels and no one would laugh.

McDonald's would sponsor it. They'd change the name to Tour de French Fries.

If 6-year-olds ran the Lakers . . .

Kobe would be coach.

Because he's funny, Shaq would return -- to play point guard.

The Lakers would be the first NBA team to have actual penguins on it.

If they wanted, Laker Girls could come to your birthday.

If 6-year-olds ran the BCS . . .

Oh, that's right, they do.

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Erskine also writes "Man of the House" in Saturday's Home section.

chris.erskine@latimes.com