When it feels like the house's walls are closing in

Several articles published recently have attempted to celebrate an upshot of the down economy: If a parent loses a job and kids have less money for movies and dinners out with friends, families may have no choice but to spend more time together. An Associated Press feature this month offered this spin: "Cutting back means spending more time at home, giving them an opportunity to reconnect."

But what if the confines of home lead to more than Hallmark moments? What if a couple has been forced to downsize, or if adult children return to Mom and Dad's nest, or if a young, growing family can't trade up to the larger house as they envisioned just a few years ago?

What happens when a cozy home starts to feel like a crowded home?

We posed the question to Stephanie Coontz, a history and family studies professor at Evergreen State College in Olympia, Wash., and director of research and public education for the Council on Contemporary Families. The nonprofit, nonpartisan council consists of mental health and social work professionals nationwide as well as academics whose focus is family life. What follows is an edited conversation on what happens to family relationships when people under one roof get too close for comfort.

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Do you think it's fair to say that the confines of the home increasingly are a source of family stress?

It's absolutely true, particularly for people who were doing OK before the crash. There can be a positive side in learning to cut back, learning that one can get pleasure from cooking a meal together or playing a board game together instead of going out. But it's also true that we have developed high expectations of privacy and immediacy in our lives -- that we won't have to wait for anything, like a bathroom. That's going to take some getting used to.

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Talk about the privacy issue first. What's the solution when a larger home isn't an option?

We are entering a time when public space is going to be very important -- places to go out of the home without having to pay. You don't have to be on top of one another all the time.

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The alternative seems to be peaceful coexistence when you are at home.

Parents need to know that not everything needs to be a teachable moment. Sometimes kids can just be. We also need to learn to turn things that we've thought of as chores -- something to finish as quickly as possible or to outsource -- into activities we do together. We need to find the fun side in some of these things. You might be peeling potatoes, but the conversation you have while you're peeling the potatoes could be special, one that you remember for years and years.