The fifth season of Kathy Griffin's reality show, "My Life On the D-List," premieres Monday. This season Team Griffin soldiers on without oddly famous longtime assistant Jessica. To compensate, Griffin & Co. recruit A-list stars to assist Kathy's noble climb fame-ward, among them Christina Aguilera, T.I. . . . and Salman Rushdie?
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So you are recovering from a full-on wisdom teeth extraction?
Which means I have Vicodin. How much for it?
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I hope you're saving some for you.
Oh, no, I'm of course completely holistic. I would never take a prescription pill and drive like Heather Locklear. Not even if I was driving somewhere to do charity work for children.
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Was it terrible?
I hurled afterward. In the bushes, like I'm Lindsay Lohan.
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I'm so sorry.
Who's going to hold my hair back? My mom? I'm trying to get her to be like Dina Lohan. A mom-ager. Her hearing is so bad -- I was like, "Hold my hair," and she was like, "What, what?"
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The other day, I heard someone screaming "Kathy Griffin, Kathy Griffin!" out my window and I saw this huge pile of red hair bopping down the street. I thought: What crazy tranny is that?
I'm often mistaken for my own drag queen. Here's how you know it was me: if I was having a rough time with my heels. I am a lesbian from the ankles down.
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But is it like that all the time? People screaming out your name?
It's always nice when they get it right. I'm also happy to hear Kathy Griffith. Patty Griffin, I get that a lot. I get Nancy Griffin every so often. I get Kathy Griffiths, plural. Which is odd -- no one says Britney Spear. Oh, that show! Did you go?
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Uh, no!
I don't know how she can dance that hard on Klonopin. Allegedly of course! I'm not a pharmacist! It's a fun show. She lip-syncs to all her hits.
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Yikes.
But I will say, if you're a fan, which I am, of all the levels and colors of Britney, it does deliver. Crazy Britney, the hits, hot male dancers. And when she stopped the show in Vancouver because someone was smoking? That stuff you can't buy. Believe me, the only time they turned her mike on was to say "Goodnight, Phoenix!" But she was in Tulsa. It was a fun show.
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A friend said he'd never seen someone so unhappy to not be home in bed. . . . What's your touring secret?
