I have great news for the Lakers' mob, although I have to tell you I have not been fired yet, decided to move or died -- as some suggested might be the best course of action right now.
But I am here to advise you there will be no need for scissors, razor blades, Wite-Out, shouts of agonizing pain while ripping the newspaper apart, or the use of rope.
The "NBA Champs" commemorative section, a Lakers' treasure included in today's Times, does not include anything written by Page 2 -- making it 100% Lakers' slobber -- just the way you like it.
At times like this the paper probably wishes it had Vic the Brick on the payroll, standing in front of The Times in purple and gold poncho, passing out the commemorative issue.
Dwyre in a lilac sweater vest just doesn't do it.
I am happy to report, though, I will not be attending the parade as well, so if you hear someone in the mob yell, "There he is, get the rope and let's string him up," be sure, because it wouldn't be the first time Justin Timberlake has been mistaken for Page 2.
These are happy times, all right, the Lakers' season over, and just like you, I could not be more thrilled.
Hard to explain then why so many angry people have e-mailed, so many in fact it's going to take several days to get through every last obscenity directed at Page 2.
But I already see what they mean about a Lakers' championship bringing everyone together.
HAPPY FATHER'S Day. I blame any difference of opinion we might have on him.
He's no longer with us, but Dad said it so often, I still hear it: "If everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?"
I suppose I could've jumped, the fall cushioned by landing on the mob below, but when you teach your kids to make decisions for themselves, how would it look if I just agreed with Plaschke on everything?
That means I'd have told you a while back too, "this is a Bruin football town, and has been a Bruin football town and will continue to be a Bruin football town."
Better to make up my own mind, and while thanks to the Lakers for the entertainment, I have no interest in honoring L.A.'s mini-gods.
Some folks agree, seconding the opinion the "Idolatry of Lakers is ludicrous." They are now seeking acceptance into the witness protection program.
The overwhelming majority reacted with disgust to the column, even more than usual. And while I haven't read them all, "Dear Dummy," is a pretty good giveaway that an e-mail is coming from someone unhappy, or from the Bagger's mother again.
