In case there is any confusion, here's what guys love, according to cable channel Spike TV: gorgeous starlets in thigh-grazing mini-dresses, Eddie Van Halen, free-flowing beer, AstroTurf, taxidermy, ultra-violent action movies and man-child comedies. So why not roll those things together and call it an award show?
This is definitely not the Oscars. In fact, it's not even the MTV Movie Awards. It's the aggressively hetero Guys Choice, where school-of-hard-knocks graduate Mickey Rourke beat the Ivy League-educated president of the United States for guy of the year, Clint Eastwood won a pair of brass balls meant to signify his, well, courage, and girlie vampire saga "Twilight" got a single shout-out -- in completely unprintable language.
The show airs on Spike Sunday night, but results aren't spoilers because they're already on the network's website. (Sample: the hottest Mila/Milla is Kunis, not Jovovich.)
Spike, home to a million James Bond movie marathons and battle royale shows like "Deadliest Warrior," continues its tradition of proudly wearing its testosterone on its sleeve. How else to explain giving away trophies shaped like antlers, dubbed Mantlers; singling out the world's biggest . . . kicker (Jason Statham, for the record); and throwing the awards' after-party at Roscoe's House of Chicken and Waffles?
For the third annual Guys Choice, the network tossed together porn queens, ultimate fighters, professional athletes and music, TV and film stars for a raucous hostless show taped at Sony Studios in Culver City late last month. Attendees walked a green AstroTurf carpet to a hunting lodge-like set decorated with stuffed big game and a roaring fire. But grandpa smoking a pipe was nowhere to be found. Instead, there was Mel Gibson on horseback, subbing in male body parts in strategic places of the iconic "They'll never take . . . our freedom!" speech from "Braveheart."
The event had the feel of a high-end frat party that, without deft editing for TV, could be punctuated by so many beeps it'll sound like an 18-wheeler stuck in reverse.
The A-list stars who took part clearly understood the Spike young-male demographic: Halle Berry, given the decade of hotness honor, planted a half-dozen passionate kisses on presenter Jamie Foxx while the crowd of 700 whistled and hooted. She said it was in response to the surprise lip-lock she got from Adrien Brody at the 2003 Academy Awards -- except this time, there was groping because, hey, guys like that kind of thing.
