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CHRIS ERSKINE / FAN OF THE HOUSE

Here are the Manny words of Ramirez

A glossary of some of the Manny-isms you are sure to hear in the coming months, if you haven't already:

March 12, 2009|CHRIS ERSKINE

As you may have heard -- several media outlets carried the story -- Manny Ramirez is back with the Dodgers.

His presence doesn't just change the team's prospects, it changes the local language. As the slugger prepares to make his first spring training start today, here is a glossary of some of the Manny-isms you are sure to hear in the coming months, if you haven't already:

Mannywood: The juncture of Manny and Hollywood -- part fairy tale, part farce.

Mannywood 90012: Dodger Stadium, where Manny performs.

Man-Ram: Short for Manny Ramirez. Also, a male ram.

Man-Ram-Fan: A believer, a sycophant, a person of complete and unyielding faith.

Ram-Bam: A towering home run by Ramirez.

Ram-Slam: A grand slam by you know who. Also, a breakfast at Denny's.

Ram-Spam: A pitch in the dirt, thrown on an 0-and-2 or a 1-and-2 count, in hopes of getting Manny to chase it; often clubbed 400 feet.

Manny Fever: A slight elevation in normal body temperature, coupled with the dangerous misconception that the guy walks on water. In truth, the guy hits home runs on water (which is tricky too).

Manny Scan: A procedure your doctor will perform on your head if Manny Fever persists. Not covered by most insurance plans.

Manny Ham: Soon to be a sandwich at Canter's Deli.

Ram on Rye: Soon to be a sandwich at Dodger Stadium concession stands.

Manny Fanny: What you get if you eat too many Rams on Rye.

Ramachandra: Seventh incarnation of a Hindu god. Also, the noise made after a Ram Bam (see above).

Mannymoon: The grace period fans and media give Ramirez as he begins his two-year contract. Could also be the last gesture he gives fans when fleeing town next fall.

Manny Fest: Opening day at Dodger Stadium. Also, any subsequent home game.

Manny Fest Destiny: Ramirez's quest westward, capped by an almost certain march to the World Series.

Mandoza Line: .314, Ramirez's career batting average.

Ram Sham: A term for the contract negotiations we just witnessed. As if the Dodgers had any choice but to sign him. As if he really had anywhere else to go. Yawn.

Green Eggs and Ram: Popular children's book, with wildly unpredictable main character.

Chavez Latrine: Where the Dodgers' season will go if Manny gets hurt.

Ram Tan: The coloring one achieves while observing spring training in Arizona.

Ram Fam: An entire family in dreadlocks.

Ram Van: A multi-passenger vehicle with an inordinate number of Dodgers and/or Ramirez decals, a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke sometimes pouring out the back.

Ram Cam: A photographer who does nothing but follow Manny around.

Ram Sand: The stuff that occasionally gets in Ramirez's eyes when he tries to catch a routine fly ball.

A Gloval: A double that bounces off Manny's glove, hits him in the head and ricochets off the left-field wall, resulting in two bases for the opponent and much merriment at Sonny McLean's and other Red Sox hangouts.

99-Cent Store: The best place in Boston to purchase a Ramirez jersey.

Ram Bland: What Dodgers games will be like when Manny takes a day off. Finally, a healthy way to beat insomnia.

Ram Scammed: How we're going to feel if this whole thing doesn't work out.

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Erskine's Man of the House column appears Saturday in the Home section.

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chris.erskine@latimes.com

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