Selling coffee becomes diacritical for McDonald's

McDonald's -- never known for a delicate marketing touch -- is about to drop the mother of all campaigns on you, an everywhere-you-look, invade-your-dreams ad campaign in support of its McCafe specialty coffee drinks that will be not so much viral as bubonic. An estimated $100-million mega-buy across TV, Web, radio, print, outdoor and social media, the McCafe push beginning today will be, according to the company, its biggest "menu initiative" since it began serving breakfast in the 1970s.

Personally, I'm diving for the nearest McBomb shelter.

And yet, there's something oddly comforting and old school about the newest McCampaign. Consumerism defines one's culture and troop and tribe, with today's hyper-focused segmentation parsing us, nanometer-thin, by age, race, gender, language, income. Advertisers now chase us across the digital playground, following our clicks and cookies and friends and tweets until they have us psychographically cornered.

The McCafe campaign will at last unite us under the same latte-shilling mushroom cloud.

The situation is this: We drink a lot of coffee. About 110 million Americans consume roughly 300 million cups of coffee daily. Starbucks has specialty coffee customers; McDonald's wants them.

The green mermaid is a bit seasick these days. Last year it was obliged to close hundreds of stores and lay off 12,000 employees -- a move that seemed to break the Seattle coffee chain's aura of enchantment. But lately Starbucks losses have stabilized. Same-store sales were down a tolerable 8% in the second quarter, even as consumer spending and discretionary income continued to crater.

Theory No. 1: Perhaps Starbucks' clientele is clinging to a vestige of better times, an affordable luxury while necessities grow increasingly unaffordable.

Theory No. 2: free WiFi.

Sensing the opportunity to peel off some of Starbucks' priced-out customers, the Ronald is launching a menu of cheaper cappuccinos, lattes, iced coffees and hot chocolate, most of which -- judging by the first TV commercials -- will be smothered in a foot of whipped cream. A series of three commercials will begin running this week: One, set in a nightclub and featuring Detroit soul singer Dwele, is directed at the African American community and highlights the sweet, chocolate-y McCafe options; a Spanish language spot has a young woman walking to work, daydreaming about her iced mocha, which apparently "complements all" her "desires" with sugar and caffeine. Me encanta.