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T.J. SIMERS

What a choice: Disneyland or Pittsburgh?

It's tough to listen to Dodgers' announcers, even with mouse ears.

September 23, 2009|T.J. SIMERS

Here's the dilemma: The 4-year-old granddaughter is coming in from Arizona and has asked me to take her for doughnuts Sunday morning and then on to Disneyland. Just her and me.

All day together. It's as good as it can get for any G.P.

But I cannot get Eric Collins' voice out of my head, something like this: "Broxton on the bump, gave up back-to-back knocks earlier, but now he delivers the pill, and the Dodgers clinch the division. They live to fight another day."

Now you know why I might have to go to Pittsburgh this weekend, anywhere to avoid Collins.

OK, so I know the alternative. I could always go to Disneyland with an earpiece and listen to the radio broadcast and Charley Steiner and Rick Monday. That's why I might have to go to Pittsburgh this weekend.

I either hear it from Vin Scully or I go there and see it for myself. After all, I've been with the guys all year, doing my best to get them this far, so why not enjoy the moment?

Right now we don't know when they might clinch it, so that means listening to Collins and Steve Lyons day after day. I thought once Dwyre was no longer sports editor I would never be annoyed again.

Maybe I go and avoid Collins & Lyons altogether while convincing the boys in blue to tank in the best interests of L.A.'s baseball fans, waiting until Tuesday in San Diego to clinch with Scully back behind the microphone.

It shouldn't be too hard to convince Chad Billingsley to pitch poorly.

I go to Pittsburgh, though, and I'm going to have to explain to the 7-Eleven Kid that I'm saving L.A. -- as if the kid from Arizona will care.

I'll do my best, though, to explain Collins is the boogie man, maybe even having her sit down for a pitch or two to hear him, although I worry about nightmares.

As you can see it's a tough decision: Mickey Mouse or Collins?

The wife adds to my misery. Of course. She says the grandkid told her preschool class that her G.P. is taking her to Disneyland and she has the best G.P. in the whole world. I'm hoping maybe a Ronnie Belliard autograph, which she can take for show and tell, will make up for having a heel as a G.P.

The whole thing gets even more complicated when you include the oversize daughter. You can't miss her -- imagine trying to peek around the Rocky Mountains.

She's pregnant with twins, two more girls who are expected to arrive in time for Christmas because you know how girls like presents. I suspect they will come out carrying Coach purses if they are anything like their mother.

We're going to go from one gorgeous grandkid to three, the 7-Eleven Kid having all our attention but that's about to change.

So how do I dare go to Pittsburgh instead of Disneyland? How does anyone ever justify going to Pittsburgh?

I never thought I'd be in this position, the grandkid asking to go to Disneyland, because I don't do rides. When her mother was young and skinny, I had taken her to Disneyland and we walked around all day looking at the rides.

I made an exception two years ago and went on one -- It's a Small World. Thought I was going to die.

It was Miss Radio Personality's idea. I wrote about the horrible ordeal and joked she would be appearing on the next Dr. Phil, "Daughters Who Want To Get Back at Their Fathers."

Little did I know. A couple of weeks ago, the other daughter, Rocky Mountains, appeared on Dr. Phil, the one who married the slug, and I don't think you know what it's like being a proud father until you've seen your own kid on Dr. Phil's couch.

I had no idea not letting her go on the Mad Tea Party would scar her for life, those spinning tea cups making me nauseous just thinking about them now.

That brings me back to Collins.

The Dodgers are about to cap off a brilliant regular season, making them as eligible as any other playoff team to win the World Series. And L.A. is going to hear the big clinching moment from the guy sitting high above the bump.

I might have said L.A. is going to get the clinching moment from Goofy to keep the Disney theme going, but that might work better for Angels fans, who will be hearing it from Rex Hudler.

All I had to do now was break the news to the granddaughter that I wouldn't be taking her for doughnuts and then on to Disneyland.

I'm not sure I can recall a tougher assignment other than maybe walking down the aisle and handing her mother over to a Grocery Store Bagger. I think I'd rather talk to Mike Garrett.

But I did it, the 7-Eleven Kid's immediate response on the other end of the phone: "I'm going to give you a chocolate chip cookie to make you feel better."

I thought I was going to cry. Then I turned on the Dodgers game from Washington, listened to the play-by-play for a few minutes, and I did.

--

STOPPED BY the Dull House, known by some as Angel Stadium, because the Yankees were there. Can't see any other reason except maybe when the Red Sox visit. I talked to Derek Jeter. What a treat. Then I went looking for Gary Matthews Jr. Talk about extremes.

Also listened to what Mike Scioscia had to say -- Scioscia right from the start taking issue with the Page 2/3 mention recently that "he's always wrong" and is "nuts."

"I found only one person out there who agreed with any of that," Scioscia said. "My wife."

--

TODAY'S LAST word comes in e-mail from Craig Hirayama:

"You must be a Bruin fan. What's with the tough questions you were asking? Asking a coach if he has a crush on a player -- what kind of question is that? Where were the tough questions last year when the Bruins were horrible? Were you all over Neuheisel -- I don't think so."

As most know, it's a Page 2/3 policy to only pick on Pete Carroll.

--

t.j.simers@latimes.com

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