Dear Amy: "Steve" and I dated for a year when we were in high school -- 33 years ago. It was an intense romantic relationship, but I eventually ended it because Steve's reckless and impulsive behavior scared me.
I moved away after high school and have not been back. Recently, Steve and other high school friends contacted me on Facebook.
They hang out together frequently in my hometown, and it has been nice catching up with them. I'd like to go back for a visit, but I have a dilemma: I'm happily married, and Steve is married too, apparently not so happily.
I have no desire to meet as anything but old friends, but it's clear from the tone of his communications with me that he'd like more than that. I haven't responded as anything other than a friend, and I've asked him several times to cut it out.
Any suggestions other than just not going?
So Over Him
Dear Over: You may be overthinking this. You have attempted to direct "Steve's" Facebook contact, and he either hasn't read your cues correctly or doesn't care. Ignore him. Don't respond.
Go to your hometown. Bring your family with you -- not for protection but because it might be rewarding to bring these two parts of your life together.
Your job is to be yourself, regardless of the inappropriate or sly come-on of a bully.
If Steve is still the reckless and impulsive guy who creeped you out in high school, tolerate him in a group and avoid any alone time with him. If he pops up unexpectedly, simply behave cordially, coolly and like a grown-up whose life has expanded far and wide beyond the halls of high school.
Dear Amy: I have longtime friends/acquaintances who have a son who is gay.
I have reason to believe that they will soon be informing me of his sexual orientation. Should I act as if this is new information or say I had already surmised this many years ago?
Dear Wondering: One sad aspect of the coming-out process is that a person basically publicly discloses something that actually isn't anyone's business.
You don't need to practice your reaction in the mirror. If this family makes a point of saying, "We'd like you to know that 'Brent' is gay," you can answer by saying, "OK. And how are things going for him? Is he doing well? Are you doing well?"
It's not polite to offer up your suspicions and speculation about the history of someone's sexuality. This is really your friends' story to tell -- so let them tell it without intrusion.
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