What would you pay to meet the love of your life? Twenty dollars a month for an Internet dating site that lets you wade knee-deep into the dating pool and swim with millions of other singles? Or $1,000-plus for a personalized matchmaker who will do the wading, and weeding, for you?
Matchmakers' personal touch thrives despite EHarmony, Match.com
Internet dating sites were supposed put traditional matchmakers out of business. Instead, the matchmaking business has grown.
MATCHMAKER, MAKE ME A MATCH: April Beyer of Beyer & Co. meets with a client.… (Bret Hartman / For The Times )
Over the last few years, a surprising number of singles have been choosing the latter, despite the declining economy. Turned off by Internet dating sites that offer a vast selection but take a lot of time, they're spending bigger bucks for more service that leaves the date-picking to someone else.
"Matchmaking should have been dead by now," said Mark Brooks of Online Personals Watch, a website that's been tracking Internet dating of all kinds since 2004.
Instead, the opposite has happened, he said. Matchmakers not only have survived but are thriving, having been aided and legitimized by the entity that was supposed to have killed them off — the Internet.
Like social networking, which had many dating industry experts inaccurately predicting the demise of paid Internet dating sites, Internet dating hasn't killed matchmaking, but fed it. In fact, the three go hand in hand, leading relationship-minded singles to ever higher levels of paid service.
Though social networking sites such as Facebook may bring people together and do it for free, there's no guarantee that those brought-together people are available and looking for a relationship. And though Internet dating sites such as Yahoo Personals do a better job of bringing together singles who are motivated to get together because they are paying to find dates, they don't always do a good job of sorting out the serious from the players, or even to help individuals select people who are truly good for them.
Personalized matchmakers promise to do just that. Of course, they also charge a higher price — anywhere from $1,000 to $100,000, depending on the exclusivity of the service, the number of matches they've said they'll provide and how willing they are to go the extra mile.
"You're the therapist, the mother, the best friend, the sister, the nonsexual girlfriend. You have to be everything," said Patti Stanger, star of the Bravo reality TV series "The Millionaire Matchmaker" and proprietor of the L.A.-based Millionaire's Club matchmaking service.
"It's not good enough to say, 'Here's a nice girl.' You get them a girl, they'll sleep with that girl, cheat on the girl. Then I've got to get that girl back. I have to go in and do an intervention and be on call seven days a week. That's why I get the big bucks," said Stanger, who charges men a minimum of $25,000 a year and female "millionairesses" $55,000 for 28 months of unlimited introductions. (She finds her female clients take longer to match.)
Whether it's hooking up her clients with a personal stylist to improve their appearance or enrolling them in an improv class to get over their shyness, "there are 5 million things to do," she said. There are more details to attend to with clients: manners, appearance, expectations. "In the old days, it was, 'OK. I know who I'm going to give you. Here she is. Bye.' "
There are two ways to work with a matchmaker. There are the clients who pay for introductions to potential partners and the people with whom those clients are paired. In many cases, the potential partners pay nothing, having joined the matchmaker's network for free after electronically submitting photos and personal information through a website. Equipped with an extensive database of singles, the matchmaker then peruses the possibilities to determine who might be a match and calls in good prospects for one-on-one interviews that help to further hone the pairing in hopes of a click.
Then comes the big unknown: chemistry. A couple could look perfect together on paper, but they can't know until they're face to face.
Eight years ago, an actress (who asked to remain anonymous because of what she believes is lingering social stigma) went on a date through a matchmaking service for the first time. At the time, the then-38-year-old woman thought getting set up through a matchmaker "was crazy" but worth giving a try because she "was never very good at going to Starbucks and seeing the cute guy across the room and smiling."
After talking on the phone for 2 1/2 hours, the two agreed to meet for dinner. "There was an immediate click for me," she said.
Four and a half months later, they were engaged. Eleven months later, they were married. They now have two kids and are getting ready to celebrate their eighth wedding anniversary.
FEATURED
MORE:
Advertisement
