From Salt Lake City
With the Lakers' postseason having soared, stumbled and smirked its way to a possible halfway point — seven wins down, nine remaining — I must now fulfill my duty as a professional journalist covering a professional team.
I have wrapped myself in my white shawl, shut my yapper, and uncovered three weeks' worth of lost tweets.
@RonRonPhoneHome: Everybody mocks my Twitter tantrum, but it worked, I found my shot Saturday night in Oklahoma City.
@RonRonPhoneHome: We weren't in Oklahoma City?
@OldManTriangle: I was worried about Artest's three-point shooting, I should have been worried about his inbounds passing.
@DFish: I'm still not sure where Artest was trying to throw that inbounds pass.
@HomesickAriza: I used to make some pretty good plays on inbounds passes.
@RonRonPhoneHome: I was throwing an inbounds pass?
@DFish: All together now …"Utah fans stink …Utah fans stink."
@DWilliams: All together now …"Fisher flops …Fisher flops."
@JoshWho?: Nobody flopped like the Utah Jazz fans in that dance contest in the middle of Saturday night's game.
@BillPlaschke: The winner was apparently having some sort of seizure.
@DWilliams: What does Josh Powell know about dance contests?
@JoshWho?: Hasn't anybody ever watched me working our pregame introductions dance? The Rockettes move less.
@RonRonPhoneHome: I used to play for the Rockettes.
@JoshWho?: Did you notice Ron Artest doing a 360 spin running off the bench during Saturday night's pregame introductions?
@RonRonPhoneHome: Those were pregame introductions?
@BoyGeorge: Kobe, loved that photo shoot.
@ RuPaul: Kobe, I need my makeup artist back.
@MotherTeresaMissionariesOf Charity: Kobe, we need our habit back.
@QuakerOatmealGuy: Kobe, um, my hat?
@BrunoKobe: Would somebody please Photoshop a smile on my face?
@KerPau: Would somebody please Photoshop Kobe throwing a pass?
@BrunoKobe: In the last second of the last game in Oklahoma, I fed Pau Gasol with the year's best pass.
@LeBron'sElbow: Hey, Kobe's finger, you think you know pain? You don't know pain.
@Kobe'sFinger: At least I don't make my man whine and cry and shoot silly free throws.
@LeBron'sElbow: See you in the finals, finger.
@Kobe'sFinger: Only if you have a ticket to Orlando, 'bow.
@BrunoKobe: Of all the injuries I'm struggling with this spring, nothing has been fractured more than my ego.
@KerPau: There's lots of time left to become a champion leader again.
@BrunoKobe: Have you been watching me since Game 4 in Oklahoma City? That's what I'm trying to do.
@ThunderFans: We've been standing here cheering for a week. Can we go home yet?
@CraigCalloway: Nobody has hit a bigger shot this spring than me, that $235,000 halfcourt bomb.
@RonRonPhoneHome: Now that's my kind of shot selection.
@BrunoKobe: I've got nine more chances to win a game like that. I will. Just wait.
@OldManTriangle: I don't need to watch Kobe to know he's playing well. We communicate telepathically.
@InkStainedWretches: When Phil Jackson has a problem with Kobe Bryant, why doesn't he just tell him?
@OldManTriangle: You try talking to Kobe this time of year. Have you seen his teeth?
@FullOfBulls: This is Jerry Reinsdorf pleading for Phil Jackson to come home.
@OldManTriangle: When my contract ends this spring, I am probably going to either re-sign with the Lakers or not coach at all.
@BossesDaughter: What are you saying, honey? I've been telling everyone you would coach anywhere.
@OldManTriangle: You're just trying to get your dad to pay me more.
@BossesDaughter: At least enough for a ring.
@BracedBynum: My point total Saturday night resembled a ring.
@OldManTriangle: That's not a good thing.
@BracedBynum: It's been difficult for me to focus since certain writers in this town inducted me into the basketball Hall of Fame.
@)BracedBynum: I actually stayed upright for an entire game, I think that's what did it.
@)RonRonPhoneHome: Who is Andrew Bynum?
@FansBehindEveryBasket: Hey Mr. Kardashian, Mr. Kardashian!
@Mr.Khloe: The thing I like about all the chants I've heard this postseason is their originality.
@OldManTriangle: What would really truly be original is for Lamar Odom to have an impact game from start to finish.
@RonRonPhoneHome: Lamar Odom plays for us?
@TheJoker: I need the Lakers to keep winning, their playoff games are the only time I get to act anymore.
@AndyGarcia: Me too.
@Zebras: It's amazing how a courtside seat and three Oscar awards give Jack Nicholson license to scream at us like a fool.
@MsOdom: Hey, I'm also famous, what do I get?
@BillPlaschke: Credit for distracting one of the most important Lakers into a dangerous funk?
@LamarOdomShoulderAndKnee: Hey, put the blame on us.
@RonRonPhoneHome: Just five more wins and we're in the Super Bowl.
@KerPau: Todos aqui estan locos.
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