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Sepember 19, 2010

'Bore-ified to the Ninth Dimension!'

Special thanks to Laura-Susan Thomas for her illustration. To see more of her work, visit childrensillustrators.com/LSseismiccow/

September 19, 2010|By Cheryl Rose
  • "Bore-ified"
"Bore-ified" (Laura-Susan Thomas )

She slyly stepped into the classroom. She had steely eyes, a pinched nose, and knitting needles woven through her layered hair. In a nasal voice she said, "Class. My name is Mrs. Prattler."

I laughed.

"I fail to see the humor," Mrs. Prattler said. She walked around the desks, trying to smell the kind of kid you were. A-plus student? Class clown? Troublemaker?

"Mrs. Meyers is out sick. I am your substitute teacher," she said, pulling a knitting needle from her hair. She slapped it down on her desk. We all sat up straight. "Class, turn to Chapter 1 in your math books."

I followed along as she read each problem and its answer. At first, I understood her. Then it was as if she was speaking in data bytes.

"Nee-Nee-Nee-Nat-Nee-Nee-Nee-Nat!"

One by one, my classmates fell asleep. My eyelids grew heavier. I watched her tiny mouth open and close, emitting the clacking of time slowly stitching away.

"Nee-Nee-Nee-Nat-Nee-Nee-Nee-Nat!"

I fought to stay awake. I knew now, she wasn't a real teacher. She was a coma-inducing monster. She kept on spewing "Nees" and "Nats." I looked around. I was now the last kid awake — barely. Mrs. Prattler focused on me.

Suddenly, the door burst open.

"Mrs. Meyers, I had you trapped in the teacher's break room with two dozen doughnuts," said Mrs. Prattler.

"Nothing could keep me from saving my students!" Mrs. Meyers answered, wiping chocolate icing from her mouth.

Mrs. Prattler cackled, "Well, you're a doughnut too late. I've one holdout to bore-ify, before I transfer them all to the Ninth Dimension. There, they'll perform boring tasks, over and over again. Mwah –hahaha."

Mrs. Meyers stared down Mrs. Prattler. "Not over my school books!" she yelled. Her forceful voice snapped me from my sleepy haze.

I can't believe what I saw next. Mrs. Prattler morphed into a gray-haired, lumpy, old lizard with a long tail! She pulled out the last knitting needle. She cracked her tail like a whip and flung the last needle at Mrs. Meyers. Mrs. Meyers caught the needle between her teeth. She hiked up her sensible skirt and spun toward Lizard Face. She kicked her right in the … well, she gave her a terrible kick. Crack! Swoosh! Lizard Face was sent soaring across the class. She crashed against the back wall, three desks to the side of mine!

Quickly, I jumped up from my desk. Lizard Face's gray eyes were now fire-red. Her pink tongue shot out. It coiled around me, pulling me toward her. I tried to free myself but couldn't. I slammed a foot down onto her tail. "Aaaahhh," she wailed. Her tongue uncoiled. I was freed. I grabbed Lizard Face's tail. I swung her three times overhead and flung her out the window.

"Way to go!" Mrs. Meyers cheered. Lizard Face was escorted to a "Detention Dimension," and I was sworn to secrecy.

"Chris, thank you for being the first to read. I especially like that you made me a Super Hero, and together we fought Lizard Face. Now class, who would like to read their fantasy story next?"

Special thanks to Laura-Susan Thomas for her illustration. To see more of her work, visit childrensillustrators.com/LSseismiccow

For more Kids' Reading Room, visit latimes.com/kids.

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