Are former coaches Jim Tressel of Ohio State and Rick Neuheisel of UCLA cut… (Photos by Getty Images and…)
Unbuckling the mailbag:
Question: Has anyone mentioned Jim Tressel as a possible UCLA candidate?
Martin De Wan
Answer: So far it's you and Mrs. Tressel.
There were actually Internet rumors Tressel was seen on UCLA's campus. My sources say it was only to take advantage of a close-out sale on Rick Neuheisel sweater vests. The idea of Tressel coaching UCLA while he awaits word from the NCAA infractions committee is about as unlikely as USC hiring Lane Kiffin while he was being investigated by the NCAA.
Oh, wait . . . bad example.
What Kiffin was accused of doing at Tennessee was Knoxville chicken feed compared to Tressel's failing to acknowledge known NCAA violations by Ohio State players.
I think Tressel is toxic as a college candidate — at least until the NCAA levies final sanctions against THE Ohio State program.
Tressel's on-field record at Ohio State speaks for itself, but so, unfortunately, does his off-field record.
If UCLA Athletic Director Dan Guerrero hired Tressel he might as well turn fundraising over to Jack Abramoff and fill his front office with former SMU boosters.
Q: Is UCLA addicted to rejection? Or is it that they are completely, totally and utterly devoid of any and all savvy and common sense? All I have to say is "wow."
Am I allowed to start rooting for the Trojans?
A: You are allowed to start rooting for USC. However: You must first turn in your Bruins ASB card to Tommy Trojan and then do a pushup for every point USC scored against UCLA last month (boot camp).
Next: Attend a 12-step program to wean off the UCLA eight-clap and dye your hair Matt Barkley blond and Botox your face until you can't smile, like Lane Kiffin.
Finally, download every Fleetwood Mac song recorded, move to Newport Beach, wear shorts with dress shoes (no socks) and tuck the Wall Street Journal under your arm. Order bourbon on the rocks, light a Cuban cigar a fraternity brother smuggled in from the Caymans and you'll be good to go to the Coliseum.
Q: You sir, are a moron! The reason LSU and Alabama will play again is because they are the two best teams in the country. It's as simple as that.
A: I'm a simple man, my dear Mr. Watson. Can you explain it to me again? Please type in big capital letters and try not to use words more complicated than "cat," which I couldn't spell if you spotted me the "c" and the "t."
But I would like to dot the "i" in Script Ohio.
Q: It wasn't 0.0086 that separated Oklahoma State and Alabama, it was Iowa State that separated OSU and Alabama. If OSU had just beaten Iowa State like they were supposed to you wouldn't have this dilemma.
A: I could have sworn the Bowl Championship Series standings said it was 0.0086, but I'll double check.
Q: What is @dufresnelatimes to do if Alabama beats LSU on Jan. 9? Keep on whining about the rematch and rank OSU ahead of the Tide, that's what.
A: I picked Alabama to win the national title this year and had the Crimson Tide at No. 1 all the way until overtime of their home loss to LSU on Nov. 5.
I almost got kicked out of the press box at Bryant-Denny for looking skyward and screaming "Why, Bear? Why didn't we recruit a kicker?!"
I have something against rematches, not Alabama. I would have railed just the same had the national title game been Oregon vs. LSU or UCLA vs. Houston.
Q: Your West Coast skill players need to get some SEC line speed and you guys would be competitive. Until then, you live in the wrong part of the country for college football.
Have a good Christmas.
A: I can't have a good Christmas knowing I live in the armpit for college football. You mean all those national titles John McKay won at USC were bogus?
I know the one Pete Carroll won in 2004 was ruled as such.
You probably don't remember UCLA was the first No. 1 team in the history of the BCS standings.
The fact UCLA has never again been No. 1 is the reason they're working on coach No. 4 since 1998.
Q: Do Arizona State fans know how terrible Hawaii and SMU were before June Jones took over?
A: I don't get ASU fans. The deal with June Jones was almost done, but some fans I guess complained he was too old and just a retread of Dennis Erickson.
Jones is only 58. He's two years younger than Mack Brown and Pete Carroll. Would ASU fans reject Mack or Pete if they wanted to coach in Tempe?
Jones has eight to 10 good years left in him. Unlike Erickson, he has done his best work in the last decade in turning around Hawaii and SMU.
Arizona State fans should pick Jones up at the airport in a limo. He might have led the Sun Devils to their third Rose Bowl since joining the then-Pac-8 Conference in 1978. But hey, at least you're ahead of Arizona, which has never been to a Rose Bowl.
Turning down Jones is like rejecting a date with Jennifer Aniston because you think Angelina Jolie might call. And she never does. And then you end up double-dating with Dirk Koetter.