"I've been watching the Republican debates. I watched these eight clowns on the stage and at the end I wanted to raise my hand and say, 'I don't believe in evolution.'" — Bill Maher
"In Herman Cain's defense, there is very little in the pizza world that is not sexually suggestive." — Jon Stewart
"Mentioning executions is a surefire applause line for conservatives. It's like saying 'pot' to the audience of 'The Daily Show.'" — Stephen Colbert on Perry's execution record
