Texans running back Arian Foster is pursued by 49ers linebacker Patrick… (Anda Chu / McClatchy-Tribune )
Arian Foster says I am sick.
And he didn't even go to UCLA.
He's a very good football player, so of course he didn't go to UCLA.
He plays for the Houston Texans, and on this day — the biggest, most exciting of the year — he's a problem.
Today is fantasy football draft day in the SFL, and Foster is talking about his feelings being hurt, as if anyone in the SFL gives a hoot.
It's his hamstring that matters, a whole season hanging in the balance. So is he still worthy of being the first, second or third back taken?
And while I'm thinking about it, I know everyone is upset about this new kickoff rule in the NFL, but what the league really needs to do is address injuries. If a player can't say for sure he's ready to go on Friday, then in the best interests of fantasy owners everywhere it's quite simple — he can't play.
There is just too much up in the air when it comes to NFL injuries. Such uncertainly forces you to watch Sunday TV pregame shows, and all the Mickey Mouse banter that comes with it.
Do you know what it's like to sit there and watch Fox or CBS do some kind of feature on some deep snapper who has dedicated his life to helping the unfortunate in some faraway country? Just tell me if Foster is going to start.
A few weeks back Foster tweeted: "4 those sincerely concerned, I'm doing ok & plan 2 B back by opening day. 4 those worried abt your fantasy team, u ppl are sick.''
How out of touch can athletes be? Anyone who isn't worried about their fantasy football team is doomed to finish last, be mocked by other league owners and appear stupid to family members, friends and business associates.
Why do you think the NFL is so popular?
If history repeats, every week for the next three months, the No. 1-rated TV show in Los Angeles will be a NFL game.
Do you think that's because there are still a lot of Rams and Raiders fans remaining in town? They weren't here when the Raiders and the Rams were here.
(By the way, everyone has Sam Bradford ranked higher than Jason Campbell, although I think Campbell is worth the gamble.)
When a Lakers game goes up against an NFL game on TV in Los Angeles, the NFL wins. It's a fact because they certainly aren't going to run a crawl across the bottom of the TV screen on a Lakers game letting everyone know that Peyton Hillis was good for another six points.
Let's face it, next to Foster's ability to hold up, is there a more compelling question right now in all of our lives than what to do with Peyton Manning today?
What are these officials in Indianapolis thinking, seeking second opinions on his neck or whatever when the draft is set to begin in four hours? All this business should have been taken care of a week before the season begins when most folks are doing their drafting.
I can only hope my fellow owners noticed Manning doing a Best Buy commercial Monday and think him just fine.
Make a mistake on Manning, and you might just find yourself having to learn the name of Colt McCoy's backup because someone else has already drafted Kerry Collins, who is replacing Manning. If someone does draft Collins, I can only hope he is in our league.
If this is too complicated for you, you are missing out on life because you obviously have no interest in fantasy football.
I would think anyone who went to school at UCLA would love the chance to fantasize about a winning football team.
What kind of person goes through life without owning a fantasy football team? We already know there are some people who have no interest in sports, which makes them boring, their wives boring, and their kids uninteresting as well. And no one has anything to say to them at work.
You don't know excitement until Earl Bennett scores a touchdown after you have made the move to bench Danny Amendola in favor of playing Bennett. For some people, that's as smart as they will ever feel.
For those who live in Buffalo, Cincinnati, the Carolinas, Tennessee, Jacksonville, Washington, Seattle, San Francisco and Miami, sure, they have football teams, but they would probably tell you their fantasy teams are better.
We get the Chargers next season, but my plan is to have Philip Rivers lead my team this season. I've already spoken to him, reminding him any time he gets near the goal line to throw the ball rather than hand it off.
For those still looking to join a league, if you see a team owner walking around wearing a Broncos jersey with Tim Tebow's name on the back, that's a league for you.
If someone tells you they hope Brett Favre is still available when it's their turn to pick, don't ruin their day — especially after they have made yours.
If you know someone who went to UCLA and they think it's their duty to pick anyone who was a Bruin, holy Cade McNown, check to see if I can join as well.
As for those who dismiss all this as nonsense, or too frivolous, there is nothing that makes a week go faster at this time of year — month after month — than fantasy football.
There are the week's final results on Monday, injury reports on Tuesday, final workouts on Friday and then the clowns performing on Sunday's pregame shows. Every game is also meaningful, Cincinnati versus Cleveland is a nail biter if Greg Little was your draft-day sleeper.
Who? I'll see if we can find a spot for you in our league.