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Feeling left out of Romney's vast left-wing conspiracy

April 18, 2012|By Paul Whitefield
  • Mitt Romney campaigns in Bethel Park, Pa.
Mitt Romney campaigns in Bethel Park, Pa. (Jeff Swensen / Getty Images…)

Now hold on: There’s a vast left-wing media conspiracy against Mitt Romney, and no one told me?

What am I, chopped-liver journalist?

In case you missed it, Romney said in an interview with Breitbart.com's Larry O'Connor: “There will be an effort by the, quote, vast left-wing conspiracy to work together to put out a message and to attack me."

COMMENTARY AND ANALYSIS: Presidential Election 2012

He also responded to a question about how some nonprofits are actively helping the campaign of President Obama, and whether that should be investigated, by saying that “if people are bending or breaking the law then we’re going to have to focus on that and do something about that. I don’t know how much is related to that, or how much is just that many in the media are inclined to do the president’s bidding, and I know that’s an uphill battle we fight generally.”

And he said the mainstream media is overpopulated with people who are more closely aligned with Democrats.

So, in no particular order, here are my questions and/or reservations:

  1. Where’s my White House memo telling me how to attack Romney? Or is this like high school, where only the cool kids get to be part of the conspiracy? Maybe there's a draft? In which case, count me out: I didn't like the draft in 1971; I sure don't want to be drafted now.
  2. With apologies to Romney, I can’t do the president’s bidding. Heck, I barely do my boss’ bidding, and he pays me. I do do my wife’s bidding, but that’s because I like to eat and have clean clothes and I don’t like sleeping on the couch.
  3. Speaking of eating, will there be meetings of this conspiracy, with free food? In my experience, free food is key to getting journalists to do someone’s bidding.
  4. Because Hillary Clinton famously coined the “vast right-wing conspiracy” charge in the 1990s, can we settle this the old-fashioned way and have journalist softball teams face off?  And can there be beer -- oh, and food?
  5. Back to the meetings thing: I don’t do meetings. No journalists I know like to do meetings.  Unless you’re talking about standing around someone’s desk chatting, which technically is a meeting but is more accurately called “wasting time because I don’t want to do that stupid story my editor assigned me.”
  6. On the overpopulation of Democrats among the mainstream media: OK, Mitt, you got me there. However, could I point out the overpopulation of Republicans among hedge fund managers and corporate CEOs? If you want to pay me like one of those guys, I’ll switch parties in a heartbeat.
  7. Mitt, you also said that "we are behind when it comes to commentators on TV. They tend to be liberal. Where we are ahead or even is on Twitter and on the Internet." So, could you furnish some data on that? It’s not that I care (heck, like most journalists, I was lousy in math). But my editors (who can’t do math either) are really impressed when I use figures and attribute them to some prestigious group. 

OK, I think that about covers it. Besides, it's lunchtime. If I'm going to be part of a left-wing conspiracy, some buffalo wings would go great with that.

Meanwhile, I guess I’ll just wait to see if my official White House conspiracy decoder ring shows up in the mail.   

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