In terms of policies, I would have to say the Republicans — if they could only become a bit less extreme. There are some real double standards, you know — what people call genocide in my country is called the judicial system in Texas! In terms of my actually getting into power in America, I would have to support the Democrats — if they can enable a Kenyan to become president, why not a Wadiyan?
If someone were to make a movie of your life, who would you want to star in it and who to direct?
I am making a movie of my life — the fifth one, actually — and once again, I am starring in it. I am Wadiya's most accomplished actor — did you see my award-winning performances last year in "The Murdered Descendants," "The Tortured Artist" and "The Tree of Death"? In terms of who will direct my next film, I'm thinking Gary Ross — if Kim Jong Un doesn't kidnap him before me.
What principle do you believe is worth dying for?
That it is my divine right to rule the nation of Wadiya for eternity. I repeatedly tell my people this principle is worth dying for — and ensure that many of them regularly do. That and the principle that if you've bought a Flash Pass at Six Flags Magic Mountain it should be valid for all rides and not exclude you from jumping the line for the X2.