Advertisement
 
YOU ARE HERE: LAT HomeCollectionsNews

A sample of Phyllis Diller's humor classics

August 21, 2012

•"I went into a lingerie department one day and I said to the lady, 'I'd like to see something in a bra,' and she said, 'I bet you would!'"

::

•"I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?"

::

•"Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards."

::

•"Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn."

::

•"Now, I don't want you to get the idea that I have given up on my looks. I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan."

::

•"When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my nightgown."

::

•"Some bad things have been happening to me. A pervert called me. Five times. Collect. And that damn fool won't tell me where he lives. And my fan club broke up today. The guy died."

Advertisement
Los Angeles Times Articles
|
|
|