So I buy into this Jim Mora-walks-on-water hoopla.
"Discipline," as one UCLA honk after the next says as I arrive at the Rose Bowl, making the difference.
I've only seen the Bruins play Rice, and I thought I was watching two high school teams.
But I'm here willing to write it off as opening-game jitters, expecting the Bruins to run their record to 4-0.
OK, so I'm a little surprised to see I'm the only one here, or so it seems.
I've always worried about the inferiority complex of these poor mopes, UCLA fans never getting a good football team or the chance to rub victory in the faces of others.
But I thought all this Mora buzz would bring the faithful back and give them something to get excited about.
On top of that, it's already been a great week, with Bruins' fans finally getting the chance to spread hate on message boards like Trojans worshipers have for so many years.
There doesn't seem to be anything UCLA and USC fans enjoy more than tossing around obscenities and going mean after a victory. Bruins' fans just haven't had all that many opportunities.
But then as the week goes on it gets even better. Lane Kiffin begins to self-destruct, losing and immaturity just too much for him to handle. And did I mention Mora walks on water?
Not only that, UCLA is an early 11-point favorite to beat Oregon State. And the Bruins will probably be a 100-point pick to beat woeful Colorado next week.
And the schedule has UCLA set up to go 10-0 before taking on those losers from USC.
But then the Bruins are only 10-point favorites against Oregon State. Then it's nine, and eight and only seven by game time.
Maybe the oddsmaker is a Bruin and expecting the worst, which might be another reason why so many UCLA fans have stayed home. They just know better.
They sure do. Just like that, the dream of going undefeated is over.
OK, so I'll get over it.
But I worry about the sad-sack Bruins fans, so many at home now with the lights turned off and unable to show their faces publicly. They never have anything good happen.
Mora is now swimming for his life like every other UCLA football coach who can't walk on water, his team no different than any other UCLA team when it comes to letting everyone down.
"Our hats are off to Oregon State," Mora says while still wearing his hat.
And how many times did Rick Neuheisel say that?
"It will be a great lesson for our young men to respond to this, and I expect they will," says Mora, and now I'm hearing Neuheisel's voice as Mora sings the same tune.
How about just stating the obvious? The Bruins just blew it. Why isn't he saying that?
Why isn't he talking about the Bruins' lack of pizazz, or the coaches' failure to make winning adjustments at halftime?
Why is UCLA losing to a team it beat seven of the last nine times they played with Neuheisel and Karl Dorrell as coaches?
Why isn't Mora stating the obvious and admitting his own lack of discipline cost the Bruins dearly?
Beyond the false start that probably cost the Bruins a touchdown and a personal foul on offense, why did Mora go greedy and cost his team a timeout?
The Bruins are down by 10 with 7:43 remaining in the game, and a coach is paid well to make the correct call in these kinds of situations.
On fourth and three at the Oregon State 24-yard line, Mora sends in the team's field-goal kicker as most coaches would do.
The Bruins line up to kick, but shift into some wacky formation as if preparing to go for the first down.
Oregon State shifts as well, so UCLA calls a timeout.
Was Mora thinking Oregon State Coach Mike Riley would not have his team prepared?
That's a wasted timeout for those who are watching from home, and time is something that is not on the Bruins' side.
In essence, Mora also freezes his own kicker, and Ka'imi Fairbairn lines up again and misses from 42 yards. The Bruins still trail by 10 with only two timeouts remaining.
"Why were you thinking fake field goal?" I ask.
"I'm always trying to find ways to put points on the board," Mora says. While stating the obvious, as he likes to do, isn't a field goal is worth three points?
"That was a point in the game where they had shown some things on the film we had been able to watch, the one game this year and the two games last year. It looked like we might have a chance to get a seven.
"And when we shifted and they shifted our plan all along was to call a timeout."
Blah, blah, blah. Mora outcoached himself, a timeout at that point of the game valuable, whether he would end up needing it or not. And he would.
The next time the Bruins get the ball, instead of having the chance to tie the score as they moved inside the Oregon State 20, they still need 10 points so they settle for a field goal.
UCLA would get the ball back again, but unable to stop the clock on Oregon State's final drive, it would only have five seconds and 90 yards to go to tie it.
What a bummer. A chance to send a message to everyone there is a reason to show up here and things will be different.
But instead I'm here writing the same old, because that's all UCLA has to offer everyone again.