Following in the footsteps of virtually every other media personality, from Joe Scarborough to Piers Morgan, Stephen Colbert dived headlong into the hottest debate in the country on Wednesday’s “Colbert Report.” Using the most potent weapon in his arsenal — irony — he made the case for tighter gun control measures.
“Right now, gun control talk is suddenly everywhere for reasons I don’t want to get into because it undermines my position,” he began. From there, he expressed concern over the task force headed by “Reichsmarschall Biden” whose vague yet ominous mission is to “convene a series of meetings and offer recommendations in an effort to build consent for action.”
“Meetings? Recommendations? Effort? Folks, that is just a slippery slope to jackbooted Power Point presentations,” Colbert warned.
But he was thankful for the supposedly “rational voices” of people like National Rifle Association Executive Vice President Wayne LaPierre, who has urged Congress to install an armed guard in every school in the nation. If implemented, Colbert predicted LaPierre’s plan would provide for some truly unique prom themes (“Enchantment under the siege,” anyone?)
He also praised notorious Phoenix Sheriff Joe Arpaio for organizing volunteer posses of armed men to secure Arizona’s schools, because “nothing reassures parents more than surrounding their kids with the kind of guys who have a lot of weapons and nothing to do on weekdays.”
Then there was former NRA President Marion Hammer, who made the bizarre argument that certain guns were being discriminated against because of the way they look, in much the same way that people of color once were. “So sad, banning a gun based on its color,” Colbert said with all the faux gravity he could muster. “I’m sure if Dr. King were alive he’d be standing with the NRA.”
Colbert ended by addressing the argument made by LaPierre that mental illness and violent movies and video games are to blame for the fact that the United States leads the industrialized world in gun deaths.
After all, Colbert reasoned, “America is the only country in the world that has video games, we’re the only country that has violent movies, and we’re the only country with crazy people. Well, maybe not the only country, but certainly we’ve got the craziest people.”
Cue footage of LaPierre on “Meet the Press,” where he declared, “If it’s crazy to call for putting police in our schools to protect our children, then call me crazy.”
Colbert was convinced: “I agree with Wayne LaPierre: You, sir, are [not right] in the head.”
Jon Stewart: Gun zealots fear 'imaginary Hitler'
Alex Jones goes on pro-gun tirade on Piers Morgan
Gun rights advocates steer clear of Sunday talk shows