Do you not know your Haneke from a hole in the wall? Do you think "Beasts of the Southern Wild?" stars a cute kid named Gesundheit? Do you wonder why Steven Spielberg keeps thanking an Eastern European pastry?
Don't suffer in silence, cinema fan. Let us help you, with the official L.A. Times cocktail party pronunciation guide to the 85th Academy Awards. Herewith, a primer for the names you're most likely to mangle between now and Feb. 24:
Quvenzhané Wallis (Kwah-VEN-zhah-nay): The 9-year-old, Louisiana-born star of "Beasts of the Southern Wild" is the tiniest nominee in the lead actress category, but her moniker is big. Listen to Quvenzhané say her own name, which she does about 42 seconds into this red carpet interview with The Times' Amy Kaufman (Southern accent optional). Still stumped? Just call her by her nickname, Nayzie.
Behn Zeitlin (Ben ZITE-lin): Nothing fancy here, folks. The H is silent in the New York-born "Beasts" director's first name, as in other famous Bens like Affleck, Franklin and Folds Five. And "Zeit" rhymes with "might."