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'Bachelor' recap: Sean takes his shirt off, and other adventures

January 15, 2013|By Amy Kaufman
  • "The Bachelor," Sean, takes Sarah on his first one-on-one date during the second episode.
"The Bachelor," Sean, takes Sarah on his first one-on-one date… (ABC )

In the words of Golden Globe winner Anne Hathaway: “blurgh.”

Did this episode of “The Bachelor” drag for anyone else? I always forget how painful I find the beginning of the season. The tedious group-dates with 9,000 girls and “I’m not here to make friends” declarations. The way-too-early proclamations of love on one-on-one dates. The jealous crying. It’s all a bit too predictable.

At least Sean is good eye candy. OK, opening the episode with a shot of Sean in the shower with water dripping down his abs may have been just a tad over the top but hey, I’m not complaining. This man’s biceps are not to be disrespected.

Alas, Sean eventually had to emerge from the shower and take one of these chicks out. He selected Sarah, who only has one full arm, for his first one-on-one date. As a result of a complication from birth, one of Sarah’s arms got amputated at the elbow. Not that you’d be able to miss it, since the cameramen couldn’t stop zooming in on her shorter arm.

Listen, guys, we get it. Clearly this woman has faced a lot of discrimination in her life because of her disability, and I’m sure it’s had a deep effect on her. But does her whole storyline have to be defined by it? It seemed that no other topic of conversation came up on Sean and Sarah’s date.

“My ability to love someone is not affected by how many hands I have,” she said. Um, yeah, I’d hope not.

Because it wouldn’t be a true “Bach” date without some unnecessary risk-taking, Sean and Sarah free-fell 300 feet from a downtown Los Angeles building at 40-feet-a-second! Fun!

Turns out, the date actually had some resonance for Sarah, who once tried to go ziplining in Las Vegas but was told she couldn’t due to state law.

“I want more spontaneity and adventure,” she said.

“Someone a little bit more adventurous?” Sean responded.

Thank you, captain obvious.

Then Sarah got a rose and said she was falling in love with Sean after three hours. While she’s perfectly sweet, her personality isn’t exactly the most vibrant. I don’t see her and Sean going the distance.

But no worries! There were 13 other women to choose from on Sean’s group date. Mr. Clean and his gaggle of ladies headed to a fancy mansion to do a photo shoot for Harlequin novels -- you know, those super gushy, sexual romance books they sell in the checkout aisle at the grocery story with, like, Fabio on the cover? Replace Fabio with Sean.

At least this provided us with another opportunity to see Sean shirtless. And the ladies were enjoying his abdominal region a bit too much.

“Oooh, getting all oily,” Kristy the “25-year-old” “model” said while touching his stomach.

As the girls were getting dressed in their ridiculous get-ups, they of course took the opportunity to start snarking on each other’s looks.

“Kristy has extensions?” Tierra said. I know, it’s shocking, gurl. She looked so natural otherwise!

The best part was that an anonymous makeup artist totally got in on the hate session.

“Tacky hos are a dime-a-dozen,” she lamented. You speak truth, woman with an eyelash curler.

Lesley, the political consultant, did well on the group date, largely because she was half naked in some cowboy-inspired halter top. The two shared a kiss during their cover shoot, which immediately sent a dozen glares Lesley’s way.

“Lesley’s made a big impression on me,” Sean said, googly eyed. “I see another side of her, and it’s a sexier side of her.”

You like her more barely clothed? Let me just get my jaw up off the floor.

After the photos were finished and Brooke was given permission to remove her Willy Wonka hat, everyone headed to a cocktail hour. Kacie B., whose title card does not describe her profession but instead reads “Ben’s season,” asked Sean if she had been “friend zoned” during the first time they met. He said he was starting to see her in a new light and even gave her the group date rose, but I feel like the fact that he wasn’t initially attracted to her may be the kiss of death.

Tierra and her fringe NFL cheerleader top do seem to rev Sean’s engine, however. I have a gut instinct that Tierra is going to go far, because she’s being painted as the villain so obviously that there’s a Ben-Courtney vibe to the whole scenario.

“Trust me when I say I really like you,” Sean told Tierra, something he didn’t feel inclined to say to any of the other women.

He also wasn’t inclined to say anything to Katie, the yoga instructor, who randomly decided to peace out on the group date because she wasn’t “adjusting very well” to the show.

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