“Saturday Night Live” stuck it to disgraced cyclist Lance Armstrong like so many injections of performance-enhancing drugs.
First, the cold opener featured Jason Sudeikis as Armstrong as a guest of Piers Morgan (played by Taran Killam), who introduced the cyclist as “The most despicable, vile human being ever to set foot on planet Earth, and I’m so happy to have him.” When Morgan mentioned Armstrong’s accusers, the self-confessed bully said, “Who said that? They’re liars! Those fat b----s!” Armstrong then blamed his outburst “70/30” on Morgan for provoking him and then used his bout with cancer as an excuse for replacing “all of my blood with better blood. Am I sorry I did it? Yes-ish. PS: No.” The opener also sent up a very confused Manti T’eo and featured an otherwise absent-from-the-episode Kate McKinnon as Jodie Foster, fresh off her confusing speech at the Golden Globes as she thanked the voices of reason in her life, Robert Downey Jr. and Mel Gibson.
Weekend Update also took its jabs (like a hypodermic needle, get it?) at Armstrong as Seth Meyers joked that with all the drugs, for his last two race victories, the cyclist “didn’t even need a bike.” Bobby Moynihan’s Anthony Crispino also appeared to deliver his secondhand news, saying Armstrong “finally admitted he’s a dwarf. He’s dopey. He confessed it this week at the opera.”