Michelle Obama may want to send Beyoncé a thank-you note, because the brouhaha over the singer’s possible lip-synching of the national anthem at Monday’s presidential inauguration has managed to drown out the controversy over the equally critical issue of the first lady’s new bangs.
Stephen Colbert weighed in on the “ongoing scandal threatening to engulf Obama’s second term” on his show Wednesday night, beginning with some proposed names beyond the uninspired “Beyoncé-gate,” “Anthem-gate” or “lip-gate.” Why not “the crisis in Lip-ya” or perhaps “Beyonce-ghazi,” or even “Was there a second singer on the grassy Knowles?”
“If Beyoncé lip-synched at Obama’s inaugural, do you know what that means?” Colbert asked ominously. “If so, please write in because I’d love to know why I’m so angry right now!”
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He said the allegations against Beyoncé were “heartbreaking” because her rendition of “The Star-Spangled Banner” was so inspiring -- and no one was more moved than Joe Biden, who appeared to be on the verge of tears throughout the performance. “That man either loves his country very much, or Chuck Schumer just ripped one,” Colbert concluded.
The host then methodically laid out the facts of the case in an attempt to get to the bottom of the mystery: On Monday, sources in the Marine Corps band claimed that Beyoncé had decided to go with a pre-recorded version of the song because, as Colbert joked, “this time it was the jelly that was not ready.” But the plot quickly thickened. Soon the Marine Corps Band’s performance was also being called into question. Why all the uncertainty? Colbert blamed it all on “the fog of warble.”
He wrapped up the segment with a clarion call for the truth: “The American people demand answers: What did Beyoncé sing, when did she sing it, and is that even Beyoncé? It could have been Sasha Fierce.”
Alas, Beyoncé has declined to comment on the matter, though, as Colbert suggested, “we don’t even know if that’s her not commenting or whether she was just not moving her lips to a pre-recorded silence.”
Whatever the truth may be, Colbert determined, “Jay Z officially has 100 problems.”
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