Hollywood’s most celebrated fake feud reached its epic climax Thursday when Matt Damon took over “Jimmy Kimmel Live” for the night. It was an hour of sweet, highly entertaining revenge for the Oscar-winning star, who’s been “bumped” from Kimmel’s show hundreds of times over the years.
With his nemesis bound and gagged in a chair to the rear of the stage, Damon had free rein over the entire broadcast, which he kindly renamed “Jimmy Kimmel Sucks.” It all began with a monologue in which Damon ruthlessly taunted Kimmel (sample dialogue: “I am Luke Skywalker and Kimmel is the Death Star -- big and round and easily destroyed through his garbage hole”) and proved himself an adept stand-up performer. (Seriously, Matt, if the movie star thing doesn't work out, you may want to give hosting a shot.)
From there, Damon upgraded Kimmel’s supporting players, tossing aside bandleader Cleto and sidekick Guillermo in favor of Sheryl Crow and Andy Garcia. He also revealed the true origins of their bitter rivalry: It turns out that Kimmel, a failed actor, really just resents Damon for beating him out for parts in “Good Will Hunting,” “The Bourne Ultimatum” and “The Adjustment Bureau.” Damon even had the audition tapes to prove it.